6/15/2010 - Tuesday
- 6/15/2010 10:41:52 PMCritical Thinking 101Michael's three basic problem solving techniques are as follows:
1. Hide, disguise, or conceal the problem so that it is less apparent.
2. Ignore the problem. Close your eyes to it. Pretend it doesn't exist.
3. Repeat the exact steps that created the problem in the first place and perhaps it won't happen again.
On Sunday morning, Michael came downstairs after getting dressed for church. He is wearing a white t-shirt and a red short sleeve shirt over the top. One sleeve of his white t-shirt was hanging out of the sleeve of his red shirt. I pointed to it and I said, "fix that". Michael rolled up the sleeve of his t-shirt and tucked it under his red shirt.
At the time, I thought that perhaps his white t-shirt was just on crooked, pulled, or stretched in some odd way that was causing it to hang out and be seen. I saw him a short while later and this time both sleeves of his white t-shirt were hanging out of his red shirt. "I thought I told you to fix that.", I said. Again, Michael's solution to fix the problem was to bunch up the sleeves of his white t-shirt under the shorter sleeves of his red t-shirt. The real problem was that the white under shirt was larger than the outer red t-shirt. Michael didn't see it that way which led to a discussion about problem solving and critical thinking.
Mom asked, "What could you do to fix this problem?". As usual, Michael's immediate unhesitating response was, "I don't know". This is effectively like saying, "There is no point in pursuing a solution. This problem cannot be resolved. I don't want to waste any mental energy on this. I quit."
If the reason for motivation is not immediately obvious for Michael, he gives up. The problem with this is that he possess very little common sense, discernment and cause and effect thinking ability. He quits or gives up on personal initiatives on a regular basis. Unless of course, he is highly motivated to continue. It is common for him to be persistent in reminding everyone that his birthday is coming up, or how many yogurt or pudding cups he has had in relation to everyone else, what he thinks we should eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner, what mom's daily schedule looks like, knowing where mom is in the house at any given moment, following her, staring, stalking, playing with himself, avoiding school work or chores... It's a fairly long list.
Mom repeated the question and asked Michael to come up with some possible choices on how to correct the situation. "I could change my shirt", Michael said. "Very good", I said to Michael. I was happy with that answer. Of course I was thinking that he obviously meant changing his red outer shirt. More on that in a moment. "What else could you do?", Mom asked. "Nothing. That's it", Michael responded.
She wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. "Think about it again", Mom said. "I don't know", Michael answered. I said, "how about removing your under shirt and just wearing your red t-shirt". "Oh-yea", Michael said. Now for the moment of truth... Mom asked, "what are you going to do?" "I guess I'll go and change my white t-shirt", Michael responded. This was a confusing response to both Peggy and I. We had assumed that when he originally said that changing his shirt was a possible solution that he naturally meant his outer shirt. After all, what good would it do to change the undershirt and replace it with an identical undershirt? That doesn't seem to make any sense - unless you're Michael, that is.
We asked him to clarify which shirt he meant and he indicated that he meant his white under shirt. Then he got a little testy as if we were stupid for even asking such a dumb question. I told him, "I thought you meant your red shirt.". "So did I", added Mom. All of his undershirts come in multi-packs and are identical.
Michael looked confused and couldn't understand why replacing the existing white t-shirt with an identical t-shirt would not resolve the issue. Then we spent the next few minutes discussing his solution and how it is very similar to banging one's head against a wall. "What is the point?", I asked. Michael has a learned automated response for when I ask the question regarding banging your head on the wall. When I ask, "what is the point?", he immediately responds, "there isn't one". Of course that is the correct answer, but he doesn't understand it. He keeps banging away at his problems with solutions that have already been tried repeatedly and have proven not to accomplish anything. Why does he do this? I don't know. All I can guess is that he uses the tools he is familiar with and hopes they will someday produce the results he wants.
So at this point, Michael has two potential solutions to his problem. The solution he thought of was to change his undershirt and replace it with another undershirt and my additional suggestion to remove his undershirt. "Anything else?", Mom asked. Michael responded with a potential third solution, "I don't know. Just do nothing I guess". This solution often reminds me of the baby game "Peek-a-boo". This is where the baby or toddler covers their eyes and in their mind, the other player magically disappears. This technique is sometimes employed in the game of "hide and seek" but with very little success.
Just to be clear, let's review the current list of potential solutions:
1. Hide the sleeves of the white undershirt - the original solution rooted in deception. Using this technique virtually guarantees the problem will reappear.
2. Put on a different white undershirt. Basically, repeat the whole process that created the problem in the first place. With any luck, things will turn out different next time.
3. Remove the white t-shirt. This would effectively eliminate the problem but for some reason, Michael didn't like it.
4. Do nothing. Ignore the problem. Pretend it isn't there - then it is simply no longer a problem.
You might think that I'm once again making a mountain out of a mole hill, but what I have covered above is related to a different previous discussion that went like this:
Mom: You need to do your school work.
Michael: I just don't want to.
Mom: You need to learn to read, write, and count. How will you get a job? How will you support yourself? How will you eat and clothe yourself? What will you do when your starving and homeless?
Michael: I guess I'll just rob a bank or something.
So there you have it. "Rob a bank or something". A reasonable solution to a very minor problem - if it really is a problem.
6/9/2010 - Wednesday
- 6/9/2010 8:15:55 PMHelakopturYesterday was not a good school day for Michael. When he decides that he doesn't feel like working, he simply will not comply with anything you tell him no matter how agreeable he seems to be. The funny thing is that he will expend ten times as much energy avoiding work than he would have expended doing the actual work. Even if you explain that phenomenon to him, he is not deterred.
This morning, Michael wakes up and comes downstairs. Like every morning, he waits for James to get out of bed before he comes down. This rule is in place so that Michael does not make his way downstairs and wander around alone while I am in the shower. It is a preventative measure so that Michael doesn't get into trouble.
He brings a clean pair of underwear and his wash pail with him. The wash pail is an old 5 quart ice cream container. In case I haven't covered this topic before, Michael is generally a very lazy person and this includes being lazy with his own personal hygiene. To put it simply, Michael does a poor job of wiping his own butt. I could go into the specifics of it, but that would take the rest of this article. Needless to say, Michael has been taught repeatedly on how to do it correctly. He has also been punished repeatedly for either 1) not wiping his butt at all or 2) doing a very poor job of it. When he chooses to wipe is butt, he uses his own bizarre technique which is not conducive to attaining good results. As a consequence, Michael is required to wash out his own underwear every morning.
For a while, I used to inspect his underwear for him every morning. If they were dirty he would wash them, otherwise they could go into the family laundry pile to be washed by machine. Of course after wearing his underwear they would be "dirty" - that is not what I mean. On average, four days out of each week Michael's underwear will have a large smear or chunk of poop in the back and/or heavy yellow stains in the front. In some cases, he will put on a clean pair at 6:30 AM and by noon they are gross. It is almost as if he started peeing before he pulled his underwear down or didn't shake when he is done. In a nutshell, I got tired of checking and not seeing any improvement and zero effort from him. I told him that he can just wash his underwear every day regardless of if they are clean or dirty.
Getting back to today's story, Michael follows James downstairs and proceeds to the bathroom to wash his underwear. When he is done, he puts is wash pail on the stairs and goes out to hang his underwear on the clothes line. When he comes in, he doesn't put his bucket back in his room. I asked him why he didn't put it away and he says that he is not allowed to be upstairs alone while Mom is up there sleeping. This rule is in place because Michael likes to spy on Mom and will find any and all excuse to make his way past the bedroom door so that he can see her. After hearing this, I had some questions for him.
Dad: Do you know how many times I told you that you had to wait upstairs in your room in the morning until James comes down?
Michael: Lots
Dad: No. Actually I only mentioned that to you one time and you have obeyed since. How many times were you told not to be upstairs by yourself or in the basement by yourself?
Michael: Lots
Dad: I don't think so. It was more than once but I don't think it was a lot. How many times were you told to do your school work yesterday?
Michael: Lots
Dad: Why do you obey when it comes to staying on your bed or not going upstairs or downstairs alone, but you won't obey when it comes to your school work? You've been told to do your school work hundreds if not thousands of times, but with the other things, you obey on the first or second time. Why?
Of course Michael either doesn't know why or won't admit to anything but my theory is that the reason lies in the premise of the command. In one case he is told, "You can't do this" while in the other case he is told, "You must do this". Not doing something is fully compatible with his lazy nature so if I tell him he must stay on his bed until James comes down, he is not required to do anything but wait. On the other hand, when it comes to chores or school work - some kind of action is required on his part, and this he resists. While he generally doesn't like rules that put any kind of restrictions on him, he is more likely to obey when the rule doesn't require any additional effort on his part.
When I presented this to Michael and I asked him what he thought of my answer, he replied that he doesn't go upstairs or downstairs at all because he just wants to avoid any trouble. "I don't like it", he said. I responded, "You don't like any of this or any of the trouble that it brings, but somethings you immediately stop and others you continue doing any way. If you really don't like trouble that much why do you keep doing things that bring trouble to you?" Michael cannot answer this question.
"I was thinking about this earlier and I decided I just wanted to come down and do my school work from yesterday", Michael said. Michael's punishment for not doing his school work yesterday was that he was required to stay at his desk working on his school until it was done or bed-time came - which ever happened first. Then anything he didn't finish would be waiting for him the next day. This is a position he has been in many times before. Not doing your school work brings pressure, anger, shouting and a great deal of unpleasantness for Michael. In the past, Michael's solution to this problem was to act as though he has turned over a new leaf and pretend that he is now fully committed to doing his work and ending this useless cycle of shenanigans. In reality however, this has been the times of his most devious trickery.
At times he has been known to actually get his school book out, place his finger on a certain spot on the page (the reasoning for the positioning of his finger on the page is known only to him and has little to do with where he is actually appearing to read from). Then he will get out his paper of questions, mumble something under his breath regarding the question and write something down. Afterward, when the school work is examined - we find that questions are skipped, nonsense answers are written, obvious guesses are made, and in some cases he even took the time to write "I don't know" for an answer.
When he has completed is charade of doing schoolwork directly in front of you or in plain view, he will then say something like, "I don't know why I wasted so much time on this. I'm sorry. I understand that I learn better when I actually try...". It is a total butt-kissing, lying act to seek approval and praise for doing a good job by means of deception and outright lying. That is how Michael overcomes obstacles in life: by cheating and lying - without regard to how much effort is involved and even if it takes ten times the amount of actually doing the work correctly.
I'm already tired of talking with Michael about this and I tell him to do his school work if that is what he really wants to do. "I hope you really mean it Michael.", I say. "You know, you are your own worst enemy. When you cheat, you are cheating yourself out of knowledge." I remind him of a little boy we know named Max. Max is in the 1st or 2nd grade and in some classes, Michael is doing the work that Max has already mastered. Michael sits down and begins his work.
After a few minutes, he asks me how to spell a word. There he is, sitting at his desk with the dictionary open in one hand and asking how to spell "helicopter". I said, "you have the dictionary right in your hand. Why don't you use it?".
Before you jump to any conclusions, "YES" Michael has been taught how to use the dictionary many times.
He is frustrated now because "I don't understand" the details of his struggle. In his mind, he simply wants to find a word that should be there but for some reason it isn't. Here are the possible reasons running through his mind:
- Webster simply chose not to put that word in the dictionary
- Webster can't spell and put the word in the wrong place
"Spell it", I said.
"h-a-l-u-k-o-p-t-u-r", says Michael.
"Has it occurred to you that you might be spelling it wrong?", I ask.
"NO! Dad! Listen!!"... Michael begins to say the word stressing all of the sounds incorrectly:
"HAL" (as in a mans first name) + "UH" (as in UM or BUM) + "KOP" (as in cop) + "TUR" (as in "turn")
"Has it occurred to you that you might be saying it wrong?", I ask.
Michael goes back to looking in the dictionary and then asks again. The next moment is the clincher of this whole story.
"But Dad! Look! I found it and the letter 'i' doesn't make that sound!", he exclaims.
So here it is, the dictionary is wrong and Michael - the boy who has been speaking English for two years knows better than Noah Webster.
I said, "You're wrong Michael! You've been saying this word wrong your whole life and now you're spelling it wrong. And the best part is you think your right and you won't even listen to the correct way of saying it or spelling it right from the dictionary! The root of this problem is because you're stubborn and prideful. You will never be right by trying to do wrong and pretending it's right. The dictionary spelling and pronunciation is right and you're wrong".
Perhaps your thinking that I've blown this whole story out of proportion. I don't think so. This is one of many examples of interactions with Michael that are all basically the same. Michael believes he knows better. Michael believes he is much smarter than everyone around him.
I've said this many times before and in many different ways, but this is Michael in a nutshell: Do whatever you want and tell yourself it's right, good, or ok, regardless of what it actually is, and then let the chips fall where they may. Take comfort in knowing "you're right" while you're getting punished for the same thing for the hundredth time. Sooner or later, the truth will be known it will be shown that you were right all along.
For any normal person, they would have changed their way of thinking long before the 10th time they were punished for making the same mistake. Some people learn after the first mistake, while others might take a few more mistakes to get it right. But for someone who will get punished repeatedly for the same thing over and over again... what does that mean?
Some words come to mind when I contemplate all of this, patience, endurance, long suffering. Those concepts are reserved for people who hang in there against the odds and under long term pressure and stress. Michael has been washing his own underwear for about a year now. A YEAR!!!! Why doesn't he just wipe his butt and keep his crack clean? Wouldn't that be easier?
Let me put it another way, a sane person is no match for an insane person. If the definition of "insane" means a loss of contact with reality, I must carefully consider my view of Michael. Here is a person who is holding on to bizarre concepts of reality with the grip of iron. He is persistent and seemingly unbreakable when it comes to his behavior.
Like all people, Michael's brain is wired a certain way. This "way" is not consistent with logic or reality, cause and effect, action and consequence. Michael believes that if he thinks IT, then IT IS SO. The possibility that he is wrong about something that may require him to re-think something never occurs to him. And he detests being proven wrong - which happens a lot. He adamantly refuses to change and his crazy behavior is going to outlast my ability to endure it.
3/16/2010 - Tuesday
- 3/16/2010 11:37:43 PMSix Hour ReportElocution is the study of formal speaking and reading out loud. It focuses on pronunciation, grammar, style, and tone. Once a month, our family participates in an elocution group with some of the other homeschooling families in our area.
In the days that lead up to the event, our children will gather together information regarding something of interest that they have recently done which gives them the background for something to talk about when it is their turn in front of the group. Sometimes it is a book report, or show-and-tell, or the reading of a story they wrote themselves.
I have seen some of the kids do a simple skit or play. The presentation could be almost anything. The point is to get them in front of the group and speak in a clear and sensible manner that focuses on making sure the listener is correctly receiving the message that is being given. It is not only important for people to understand us when we speak, but also so that people don't misunderstand us. Learning to properly communicate is a big deal and that is why we have our kids participate in elocution.
We have been doing this for around thirteen years so all of the kids are quite familiar with the process and preparation. Since Michael arrived two years ago, he has participated in some events by doing things like reading from a story book written in English. At the time, this was quite an accomplishment. Over the past few weeks, Michael has been reading from a book he got from the Library - "The adventures of captain underpants", by Dav Pilkey.
On Monday, Michael was given the task of writing a small book report on the story he has been reading. Not a multi-page report, but something that could be read out loud that would give a very brief overview of the story and some of the main characters.
After five hours of struggling, having his report reviewed, rejected and corrected dozen's of times and generally wasting a lot of time, Michael finally produced his masterpiece. He revealed the finished product to James who read it, promptly crumpled up the paper, threw it away, and told Michael to start over.
By the time I got home, Michael was outside scooping up dog turds from the yard. "Why are you out here doing this?", I asked. Immediately Michael went into his story of how he was wrongfully accused of wasting time which led to his wrongful punishment. "Slow down", I said.
"James said I was wasting time because I took five hours to write my book report", said Michael. "Were you wasting time?", I asked. "Yes." said Michael. "Why?", I asked. "Because I didn't want to do it.", said Michael.
Here in lies the crux of most of Michael's problems.
"At first I was excited about writing the report. Then when I tried, it was hard", said Michael.
I spoke with Michael a little more on the issue and went into the house to speak with James. "Dad! You should have seen it! It was full of nonsense!", exclaimed James.
I'm trying to take James at his word but perhaps he was over reacting a little and maybe he was too harsh on Michael. I explained to James that we have to be careful when addressing Michael, his problems, and what we ask of him. After all, he is a little brain damaged and most definitely behind other kids in school. I said, "you wouldn't ask Ellie to go an pick up the refrigerator would you? She is physically not capable of doing what you ask. In the same way, Michael may not be able to give you what you're asking of him".
I thought I was being smart by making such an analogy about our youngest child. I further told James how we need to separate out parts of Michael's writing into some unique areas:
Spelling - this for now can be overlooked. If I can at least recognize what he was trying to spell, that will be good enough.
Understanding - Even if he is missing a word here or there, is he thinking and writing in a complete thought? Does it make sense?
Handwriting - Michael has perfect handwriting - when he wants to. Whatever he writes, it should be neat and clean.
So I'm thinking at a bare minimum, there should be many hours worth of effort in neatly written text, that needs some spelling help and perhaps some mental organizational work.
I told Michael to bring me the report. Michael handed me a sheet of crumpled up, fat lined paper, that had lots of eraser marks, and semi-neatly written text on approximately 1/2 of one side.
"Where is the rest of it", I said. "You worked on this for five hours."
"That's not all!", Michael exclaimed. Then Michael handed me another sheet of paper with three more sentences on it.
I read the first page out loud to Michael. As I read, he slid down the door and into a slumped over position while covering his face. It was extremely difficult to read his words. I tried to guess at what he was attempting to spell, but even when I got the intended word correct, it had nothing to do with the words around it. The entire report was filled with incoherent and grossly misspelled word rambling. Some might describe it as infantile or baby gibberish.
"What is this?", I asked Michael "Now I understand why James threw it in the garbage."
I gave Michael the task of starting over again and he immediately asked if he could pick up where he left off with the other sheet of paper that contained three sentences. "Sure", I said. I hadn't really looked at that paper and after what I just read, anything had to be better.
Michael took his paper into the other room and worked on it for another hour before dinner. During that time, Michael produced a report where he copied word sequences (three to four words in length) from various random sentences in the book and attempted join them together giving the illusion of a well written and complete sentence. The general idea is that if you don't copy the ENTIRE sentence, then you're not really "copying" and therefore not cheating either. In the world of Michael, this is how you comply with the law.
This sort of behavior is also commonly known as a "work-around". How does one solve a problem that is preventing them from getting to the final solution. In this case, the problem is that Michael didn't want to do the work because he thought it was too hard.
The first attempt at the work-around was to not do the work. Michael sat at the table for hours doing nothing but day dreaming. This is always Michael's first choice. It is usually followed by a lie that says, "I did the work".
The second attempt at the work-around was to put some kind of nonsensical garbage on the paper. No matter what James said to him through out the day regarding his report, Michael ignored it, erased whatever James told him was wrong, and rewrote the EXACT SAME TEXT. In some cases, he simply added more garbage or different garbage.
The third attempt at the work-around was to copy parts of the book.
Michael has been known to frequently take the longest, most painful and most agonizing "short-cuts" known to man simply to avoid doing what he doesn't want to. It is not real clear if Michael doesn't realize that what he was doing was wrong. He has exhibited behavior where he clearly knows he is doing wrong and either hides it or "plays dumb" about it in an attempt to get away with doing wrong. Then there are other times where we have to go to painstaking lengths to explain why his behavior is wrong. Regardless of the motive, in the end there is still a great deal of wrong (deceptive or boneheaded) moves made on Michael's part and it is both physically and emotionally draining to parent him.
The following day was elocution day. Mom confronted Michael about his copying and told him that it was wrong. She gave him an example of how to write a very high-level, simple overview of the story and sent him on his way to do it. Michael returned with a very detailed short paragraph describing one moment in the story. Mom explained again what she wanted and how the report that Michael produced was not what she wanted.
Michael went away and came back again with a very detailed paragraph describing a different moment in the story.
This happened four times and it is not unusual. On a good day at school, this sequence of events repeats itself and is all too common.
In the end, Michael had no report to give. The family went to elocution where Michael watched as the other kids gave their presentations. When they were all done, all the other kids went outside to play. Michael stayed in the house and sat on the couch near the adults. This is one of Michael's favorite places - sitting in close proximity to adults talking so that he can eavesdrop.
Michael was sent outside to sit on the front porch. He sat there all afternoon - alone. Some of the other kids went up to Michael and asked if he wanted to play. "No. I can't", Michael would say.
On the way home, the other mothers commented to Michael, "I hope you can give your report next month Michael. I know the other kids would like to play with you afterwards".
"I definitely will!", exclaimed Michael.
I think Michael's ability to calculate future effort is somewhat skewed. I don't think he realizes that making up your mind to do something in the future will be followed by the opportunity to make your words worth their meaning.
One mother commented, "Hopefully you'll remember how you felt sitting here on the porch watching the other kids play."
I wish. I think he sat in that same spot on the same front porch the last time he decided he didn't want to do his report.
1/5/2010 - Tuesday
- 1/5/2010 12:30:00 PMWartsMichael is a right-handed person and has warts on his right hand. He also has them in the places where ever his right hand can reach. This includes his crack, up the right side of his torso, around his right nipple, and the right side of his face – in particular – about 1 inch below his right eye.
I told him, "You know that is a virus don't you? It can spread to anywhere or anything you touch. Think for a moment about all the places you put your fingers."
"Yuck!", he exclaims.
"That's right", I say. "How did you get that one in your crack? Did you put it there before or after you ate your boogers? By the way, have you looked up inside your nose lately?"
So he's got this horn looking wart peak sticking out of his right cheek just below his eye. It has a head on it and I'm a little reluctant to put any Compound-W on it because it is so close to his eye. None of the kids (or Mom or I) like to touch him because as I mentioned – warts spread. Perhaps this sounds like a terrible thing for a parent to feel or say, but keep in mind, Michael is a person of intent. He seldom does things on accident but rather devises short sighted and poorly thought out plans to achieve some kind mentally and emotionally stimulating "quick-fix". The last thing anyone wants is for him to suddenly decide that he wants to rub one of his warts on us. So what does Michael do? He positions himself in front of anyone he can, looks them in the face, and then begins to pick at his facial wart with his long dirty fingernails.
I said to him, "what are you doing?".
"I don't know Dad", he replies.
"Why are you doing this?", I ask again.
"I know it irritates you and mom", he says.
(* This is always a stunner when it comes out of his mouth. I wish I was kidding about it but it is the truth. *)
"Don't you know that this could spread into your eye?", I ask?
As Michael's mental gears come to a full grinding stop, the blank "deer in the headlights" stare emerges once again.
In computer programming terms, his condition might be demonstrated as follows:
If (brain.functioning = false) Then
facial.expression = BrainDead
End If
I'm not kidding. He has zero expression on his face. He stops blinking and his pupils dilate. Really! (Brain.Status = Off) Again – I wish I was kidding about this, but it's the truth.
"Why would you want to irritate anyone by picking at a wart on your face?", I ask. "Why would you want to hurt yourself just to make other people angry?"
After a long silent period he says, "I don't know. I just wanted to."
(* The funny thing here is that I believe he is telling the truth. He just wanted to and he doesn't know why. *)
"Do you want people to be angry with you?", I ask.
Michael very quickly responds, "NO!"
"Then why would you try to irritate them?", I ask.
"I don't know", he answers.
Yesterday after he was busted picking away at "Mike's Peak", Peggy brought him in the bathroom and ripped it off. She put some triple-antibiotic cream on it and covered it with a band aid. There's nothing like having a band aid on your face to draw other people's attention. When I was in Jr. High School, this would be emotionally devistating for a young person but I guess in a strange way, Michael was satisfied with that.
I suppose he got what he wanted – which was for people to notice him. You would think that this is some kind of a sign that perhaps deep inside during his formative years he felt like he was ignored or neglected. Perhaps he was, but his behavior is a little more sick than that and now there is no amount of attention that is enough to satisfy his inner emptiness. He will take anything and everything he can get - good attention or bad.
So last night when I got home, I had to bring the kids to 4-H. We all sat in a circle, talked, and played a game. During the game, they passed around a bag of candy. When it got to Michael, he looked at me to see if I was going to say, "go ahead". At this point, I don't honestly know if he remembered the events of the day or not. He has previously demonstrated that even when he is aware that he is being punished or Mom and Dad are unhappy with him, that doesn't stop him from trying to extract a treat through means of manipulation.
Not taking any chances, I took the bag from him and said, "maybe if you wouldn't try to irritate people by picking at your warts, you could have some candy". Then I opened up a peanut butter cup and ate it. Michael got the pleasure of watching the bag go around and around and all 15 of the other kids eat candy.
The sad thing about all of this is that a lesson like the candy example above which would normally work on any other child is ineffective on Michael. He just won't or can't learn the lesson that bringing joy to other people comes back to you as happiness and joy, but bringing irritation comes back to you as anger which brings neither happiness nor joy.
I talked to Peggy about an hour ago and he is at it again. Not with the wart this time but something else that is equally as stupid. There appears to be no end in sight.
11/20/2009 - Friday
- 11/20/2009 1:41:55 PMWhich World Do You Live In?In the Real world, stealing is wrong.
In Opposite world, stealing is right.
In Crazy world, stealing is neither wrong nor right. Neither necessary or unnecessary.
It just happens randomly because someone felt like doing it.
In the Real world, lying is wrong.
In Opposite world, lying is right.
In Crazy world, lying can be a means to an end... or not. It is often used in the same way as a hammer is sometimes used when a wrench or screw driver is required.
In the Real world, personal hygiene is good and good for you
In Opposite world, personal hygiene is bad and should be avoided
In Crazy world, personal hygiene is a random choice and the consequences of good or bad are totally unrelated to the choice and therefore random as well.
In the Real world, obeying your parents is good. When done properly, it will go well for you in the long run.
In Opposite world, parents are your enemy and are not to be trusted.
In Crazy world, parents are nothing more than "other people" and having associations with them may or may not be an advantage for you. In fact, if you ignore them, then they don't exist.
In the Real world, there are laws of nature and physics that we can count and rely upon.
In Opposite world, people fly, water runs up hill, the sun is dark, people breath water...
In Crazy world, if you want things to be a certain way, then they are... even if they aren't. Perception is reality even when encounters with reality prove otherwise.
In the Real world, causes lead to effects
In Opposite world, causes also lead to effects - just not the ones you would normally expect.
In Crazy world, causes and effects are meaningless and unrelated events that randomly occur without explanation or with an explanation that is not related to either the cause or the effect. But there have been some people who have been able to rely on them. Those people are a mystery too.
In the Real world, people are responsible for their own behavior and are held accountable for their actions
In Opposite world, no one is either responsible or held accountable for anything
In Crazy world, someone or something is always the cause for bad things and someone else always seems to get the blame for it. On the other hand, when something good happens, there is always someone available to take credit for it
In the Real world, truth has a concrete meaning and everyone knows what it is. It is also associated with "right" or "good"
In Opposite world, lies are associated with "right" and "good". In fact, it pays off to be a better liar.
In Crazy world, there is no such concept as truth or falsehood. No one knows the meaning of these words. Yet both truth and falsehood are commonly mixed together to create words and ideas that just "are".
In the Real world, places such as "Opposite World" and "Crazy World" are very real and definitely exist.
In Opposite world, like the real world, these other places exist except that everyone here thinks their in the "Real World".
In Crazy world, only "Crazy World" exists and everyone there is crazy except for me.
11/19/2009 - Thursday
- 11/19/2009 11:31:33 PMMichael's DreamMichael had a dream the other night where we all went "crazy". I heard about his dream second hand from Mom so I asked him about it.
"Everyone was going crazy", he said. "What do you mean?", I asked. "It was just crazy.", he answered.
I was hoping for more details than that so I will have to rely on what I heard second hand from Mom. Apparently the first person in our house to go "crazy" was Megan. This is very interesting because just a few days ago, Mom was telling Michael that Megan is one of the most mature and emotionally stable 16 year olds you will ever meet. She is an exceptional girl. It is nothing short of interesting that in Michael's dream, she was the first to be affected.
After Megan, came Ellie. She has for the most part, been Michaels' best friend in America. After this, pretty much everyone else just went "totally bonkers". So then, Michael - realizing that he was the only sane person left in the house - tried to call 911 and we wouldn't let him because, of course, we were all crazy.
In the same manner that Joseph spoke to Pharaoh - Mom said to Michael, "I think this is what your dream means. You think everyone else is crazy and you're normal. Well, I've got some news for you..."
She covered some of Michael's more bizarre behavioral anomalies and then asked him if he knows of other people who do such things. Then she asked him what he thought other people thought about him and us as a family.
To say the least, Michael is in some kind of puzzled quandary about all of this. - 11/19/2009 9:58:57 PMJourney into the land of confusionYesterday I wrote about Michael's big laundry day and the 25 pairs of underwear he washed. As it turns out, he was able to hang 7 of them on his little clothes line and the other 18 had to go outside on the big clothes line. They all hung over night and in the morning, the 7 inside pairs were still damp. Since the November nights in Wisconsin are very cold, the outside pairs were frozen stiff.
In the morning, Michael got up and had to change his underwear. When he went looking for a dry pair, there were none to be found. It was then that he decided to open his "Russian" drawer which is filled with the clothes he brought with him from Russia. He is not to touch those things much less be wearing them. They are a special keepsake for him - a reminder, and they are not to be mixed in with his other regular clothes.
James reminded Michael of this and an argument followed. Michael said he was going to ask Mom about wearing them since he didn't have any dry underwear. I do not believe Michael had any intent of asking Mom about anything and had James not been there to stop him, he would have put them on without mentioning anything to Mom. There is no way to verify this, but based on past behavior - it is more likely than not. Is this a Federal crime? No, it isn't. It is simply a house hold rule. "Leave the Russian clothes alone". Period.
The arguing woke Mom up. Everything was re-hashed and discussed all over again which is not the sort of thing that anyone wants to do in the morning. The underwear hung all day and by evening they were all still a little damp. Michael wanted to put them away in his dresser but Mom told him not to because the moisture would cause mold to grow. Michael decided to put them away anyway.
When Mom went upstairs and found that only two pairs of damp underwear were on the clothes line, she looked in his drawer and found the other 23 pairs. She took them out and hung them back on the line to dry and then discussed the principles of damp clothing and mold growth with Michael again.
At bed time, I brushed Michael's teeth for him and he went upstairs. Once again, Michael determined that the damp clothes were dry enough to go into the drawer so he put them away. When Mom came up to bed, she checked his clothes line and again found two pairs of damp underwear hanging and the dresser filled with other damp pairs.
Once again, the damp underwear was taken out and hung. This time, Mom pulled out the dresser drawer and brought into our bedroom so that Michael might put 2 and 2 together and hopefully realize that he shouldn't be putting damp clothing into his dresser.
In the morning, Michael got up and I had a chance to talk with him about this and about writing "his" story. "You asked if I ever wrote anything good", I said. I recalled the details of the wet laundry and his dresser. Then I asked him, "how would you write this story?"
"I wouldn't", he answered.
This is a good point. What - if anything - should be remembered and written about, much less written in a format for the entire world to see? This is "his" story and he has demonstrated an entrenched thinking pattern that seems to believe that anything older than yesterday is ancient history. Anything between yesterday and two minutes ago is frequently ignored or forgotten. And further more, tomorrow never comes and neither to the consequences that will happen then.
Progress is made where progress is measured. Having said that, if you don't have some kind of baseline, how can you know if you have improved? We're not talking about industrial manufacturing, math scores or a spelling list here. This is a measurement of human behavior which is fraught with subjective observations. It is not an exact "science". This blog, much like a diary, is a record of progress.
Michael and I covered the details of his wet underwear again.
"Why did you put them in your dresser?", I asked.
"I thought they were dry", he said.
"Why do you think Mom pulled them out?", I asked.
"I don't know", he answered"
I handed Michael the clean pair of dry socks that I was going to wear to work and I asked him, "Did they feel dry like these?"
"A little bit.", he answered.
"If they felt - a little bit - like these... does that mean that they were a little bit wet too?", I asked.
Michael gives me the blank deer in the headlights stare.
I drew a number line on some paper that looked like the following
Soaking Wet |<----------------|------------------>| Bone Dry
I asked him to point to where he thought "a little bit dry" was.
"Well they felt dry", he continued.
"Why did you think they felt dry?", I asked.
"They were all stiff and hard", he answered.
"Why were they stiff and hard?", I asked.
"Because they were frozen.", he answered.
"What was frozen?", I asked.
"The ice", he answered.
"What is ice?", I asked.
"Frozen water.", he answered.
"What happens to ice when it warms up?", I asked.
Michael looked at me for a brief moment and then said, "that depends on how warm it is."
"Aaaahhh.... very crafty of you, young grasshopper", I thought.
"How about warming the ice up to the temperature in the house?", I asked.
"It would melt and be wet.", he answered.
Now I know what you're thinking... You're thinking that I've just led Michael out of the land of confusion and into the promised land of logic and reason. I wish that were the case. We went around and around with this same interchange and he honestly believes that his conclusion of icy and stiff clothing means that they are dry. Either that, or he knows he was wrong won't admit it. Perhaps if he sticks to his story long enough, the laws of physics will change and somehow it will be shown that he was right.
What I haven't said previously is that the underwear had been in the house for some time and that by the time he got around to putting them away, they were no longer icy and stiff but simply wet.
Realizing that he was now backed into a corner, Michael introduced a new aspect to his argument. "Well it was night time and it was dark".
I had him close his eyes and I then gave him the dry socks to feel again. "Did they feel like this?", I asked.
"A little bit." he answered.
We went around the logical circle a few more times again.
"Michael, you're so close to the answer. Why don't you admit that you knew they were wet and you wanted to put them away anyway?", I asked. "Why do you keep clinging to saying that you thought they were dry when you obviously knew they were not?"
Is this really a confusing issue for him, or is he intentionally trying to introduce irrelevant information or change the subject so that he doesn't have to go down the path where the only conclusion is that he chose to do what he wanted and it was wrong? Michael has expressed in the past that he wants to be "right". He seems to live for the day when he can say, "See! I told you so! I was right!". Unfortunately for him, he will never get there by "doing what he wants". He needs to figure out what "right" is, and go there regardless if it is what he wants or not. This is a source of mental conflict for him.
Just by going down this path of reasoning, it would seem to suggest that he thinks there is the potential that I am dumb enough to believe it. Interactions with him are filled with subtle nuances of deception. Sometimes they are not subtle but are quite blatant. For example, he said he couldn't tell if the underwear was wet or dry because it was dark. Perhaps he forgot that while it was indeed night and it was dark - the darkness was on the outside of the house. In his bedroom, it was light because he had the light turned on.
All of this led to Michael making the claim that he sometimes lies because other people push him into lying. I exclaimed, "What!?"
"Yes Dad. It does happen sometimes!", Michael said firmly and with an "as a matter of fact tone".
What Michael doesn't know is how true this is, but not for the reasons he thinks. I do believe that Michael increases the amount of his lies simply because I ask him about them and he answers by covering one lie with another. Had I not asked him about his lie in the first place and ignored him, the fertile ground of deception would not have existed for other lies to be planted. However, the initial lie which was done of his own choosing would still stand without any explanation.
Not letting on my own thoughts, I asked him to explain what he meant. Michael presented his case and started talking about the mysterious "lighter" incident. A few months ago, we found a cigarette lighter in a laundry pile. Michael's clothing was picked up off the ground to be put in the washing machine and a lighter fell out of the clothes from somewhere. Since this incident, Michael has stuck to the claim that he doesn't know anything about the lighter.
No one in our house is a smoker. We do have lighters in the house for burning trash or starting the grill, but none of them are like this one. It is clearly not something that originated from our home. To be fair, we had some repair men over working on our furnace. It is quite possible that one of them is the owner of the lighter and dropped it or left it behind on accident. However, since they finished their work, the laundry area had been cleaned up, all clothes washed, and new piles of dirty laundry brought down. This is when the lighter showed up.
I told Michael that I knew what his story was on this incident and I asked him to tell me about the lie he was pushed into saying.
"I said that I saw the lighter in the basement before mom found it", he answered.
"Well, did you actually see the lighter in the basement before mom found it?", I asked.
"Yes.", he answered.
Hmmmmm...???? I guess I was expecting him to give me the "corrected version" of his story. Instead, he just simply said the same thing he was always saying. Nothing in his story has changed. He is still holding to the notion that while he did "see" the lighter in the basement before mom found it in his clothing, he doesn't know how it might have gotten from where he saw it into his clothes.
"I'm confused.", I said. "What part is the lie?"
More of the deer in the headlights look. Sometimes when he is like this, I swear I can hear the faint sound of electrical sparks shooting across a shorted circuit. Bzzzzt Bzzzzt Crackle Bzzzzt Pop! A little poof of smoke when the circuit blows - then the overwhelming smell of sulfur. Yup. Too much for the brain. Now it's cooked.
This is what I get by following Michael down into a rat-hole of confusion. I should have known better. Somehow, I left the real world and entered crazy-world - a strange land where nothing makes sense.
What is a person to conclude from all of this? Is he trying to play the blame game by saying that it's someone else's fault that he tells lies and does bizarre things like putting wet underwear into his drawer?
I asked him one last question. "If you were going to write this part of the story of your life, how would you do it?"
"I don't know", he said.
11/18/2009 - Wednesday
- 11/18/2009 11:00:14 PMMichael's StoryAfter I wrote the previous post about Michael washing his underwear, he had the chance to hear and read it. He was amazed that someone was writing about him and that other people are reading his story.
I had talked with him about this blog and writing about him before. I told him that I have been writing since he first came to visit in 2007 and that this is "his" story. One day perhaps, I will put it in book form so that he can have his own copy with pictures and all. He seems to like that idea.
Since we have adopted, I have learned that they feel like "throw away people" and gotten the impression that they often feel like no one is listening or watching them. For that matter - that no one cares. Perhaps this is one of the things that drives Michael to seek so much attention. He cries out from his soul, "Look at me!. Look at me!". That in itself is a tragedy.
The downside to all of this is (wait... there are many downsides) Let me restate that. One of the bothersome parts is that Michael doesn't like his story and is somewhat embarrassed when he hears the tale of all of his shenanigans and foolishness. This is more than simply some feed back from Mom and Dad. It is written in black and white. Perhaps in his mind, this is the same as being written in stone. Somehow - it is more real.
On one of the previous early blog posts, I had put in a map from MapLoco of the world that indicated where all the blog readers were coming from. There were red dots indicating visitors from all the corners of the globe. Michael's eyes opened up wide when he saw that.
"Does Dad ever write about anything good?", Michael asked. Of course Michael had just read the story of his underwear and tooth brushing exploits so perhaps he was concerned about how other people might perceive him. Hiding what he is up to is a big deal for Michael. Perhaps so is hiding "who he really is" on the inside.
"I think so", said Mom. "Dad writes about the things you give him to write about. If you give him something good to write about, I'm sure he will write about that too."
Mom told him that this was "his" story and what a potentially powerful story it was. She reminded him that there are millions of other children around the world who had the same start that he did - which in a nutshell is the loss of everything important. She showed ho they are still stuck where they are and how there just aren't enough people who are willing to help. Someone needs to help them... but who? Who will stand in the gap for these kids and say, "here am I. I will go and help."
Mom continued, "Just think of how they could benefit from hearing the tale of a kid who lost everything" This includes losing parts of his mind, as well as his innocence. She told him to imagine the potential of taking his life and then turn it all around to live a life that glorified God and live to help others out of the same circumstances. WOW!
These were inspiring words for Michael to hear but living those words will be a long and difficult journey and there would be many things to overcome.
"How do you think your story is going to end?", Mom asked.
"I want it to end good", said Michael.
"How it ends is up to you", said Mom.
Remember what I previously said about Michael's views of Wanting verses Having. To him, they are nearly the same.
I want to be his little cheer-leader. The Dad who roots him on from the corner. "Come On Michael! You Can Do It! Put the puzzle pieces together and see the big picture! Show me a sign! Give me a ray of hope!" - 11/18/2009 1:07:32 PMIt seemed like a good ideaPerhaps I've mentioned in previous posts that Michael has a problem cleaning himself after he uses the bathroom (front and back). Specifically, he doesn't like to wipe his butt and when he chooses to do so, he doesn't do a very good job.
There are both natural and unnatural consequences to this sort of behavior. Some natural consequences might be a red itchy butt that doesn't seem to go away or underwear that is loaded with either brown stripes or smears of ... yuck. An unnatural consequence occurs with things like Mom refusing to wash such underwear and the offender being left to manage this responsibility by themselves. I suppose you could argue that this too is an "natural" consequence but no matter how you look at it, this is what has happened at our house.
For the past several months, one of Michael's daily chores is to hand wash his own underwear and hang them to dry on a small clothes line in his room conveniently located next to his bed. Periodically, Mom will check to see that this chore is being done.
Now, Michael is perhaps one of the laziest people in the world and he is always looking for a short-cut when it comes to tasks that he doesn't like. What he always fails to realize is that his kind of short cut seldom works out for the best.
For example, Michael doesn't like to brush his teeth. His idea of a short cut is to not brush them. In fact, he will go to extensive lengths to create the illusion that brushing is going on - even to the point of having the illusion be more time consuming and more involved than performing the actual task of brushing.
In his mind, "wanting" good teeth is just like "having" good teeth. There is a minor conflict in the fact that healthy teeth are generally white and stay in your mouth and unhealthy ones can come in a variety of colors such as black, brown, red, and green and they rot out. Michael ignores such discrepancies as an "unexplainable anomaly". Case closed. Then there is this other issue of not having any teeth with which to chew your food. Another unexplainable anomaly that is unrelated to brushing.
In the case of itchy butts, dirty underwear, and time wasting laundry - the short-cut solution was simple. Take the dirty underwear downstairs and go into the bathroom and pretend to wash them. Sometimes the illusion might even go so far as to turn the water on just in case anyone is listening or maybe even to get the underwear wet. Then put the still dirty underwear on the clothes line in the bedroom so as to give the illusion of spring fresh laundry hanging on warm sunny day. The final step in the process is to place the still dirty underwear back into the dresser drawer along side the few remaining clean underwear. Surely no one would notice the lingering stench of crack.
It was not long before the itchy butt thing mysteriously returned and mom checked over the results of Michael's laundry task.
You know, in most people's minds - when you put two and two together, you get four. In fact, Michael himself is able to do this equation and he "seems" to know that nothing good ever seems to come out of his shenanigans, but yet he does them anyway hoping for the one chance in a million that he will "get away with" something. I just don't get it.
So, last night while we ate dinner and watched a movie, Michael enjoyed the pleasure of washing every single pair of underwear he owns. We kept a bucket containing the dirty underwear in by us while he scrubbed one pair in the bathroom. We used a timer set that was set to four minutes. When the timer went off, he could rinse out the clean underwear and come and exchange it for a dirty pair. It took him about 2.5 hours to get through all of his underwear.
Periodically I would go into the bathroom and check on his progress. It was obvious that he was unhappy. He looked at me and said, "I don't like this. I should have wiped my butt".
"Why didn't you?", I asked.
"Because I didn't want to", he replied.
"Do you like washing all of your underwear by hand?", I asked.
"No.", he answered.
"Are you going to start wiping your butt?", I asked.
"Yes." he said
"Are you telling me that the war about this is over?", I asked.
"I want it to be over", he replied.
*** Recall what I said about Michael's views of "wanting" verses "having" ***
I have serious doubts as to whether this issue has come to a final conclusion. It has been an on and off battle in our home for 21 months.
T W E N T Y - O N E M O N T H S
T H A T ' S A L M O S T T W O Y E A R S ! ! !
How can someone be so close to the answer and yet resist it so much?
In other news, we have temporarily taken over the responsibility of brushing Michael's teeth for him. His gums have stopped bleeding and are now pink and healthy looking. His breath is better too. We are hoping to turn this responsibility back over to him very soon (again). When I say "again", I mean that I thought the "war" on that issue was over too. We'll see.
11/5/2009 - Thursday
- 11/5/2009 11:43:56 PMOral Hygiene GamesAs I have mentioned in previous posts, Michael has some of the worst teeth in the world. They are black, brown, and green. They used to also be red but those ones rotted and fell out. On an average day, his breath smells worse than a sewer. The funny thing about all of that is he likes to play mental games with brushing his teeth.
Starting with the first week in Russia where he became our son, we have stressed that good oral hygiene is very important - especially for him. Michael resisted. He frequently acted like a war was going on in his mouth as long as there was a brush and/or toothpaste present. I wish I could say that I was exaggerating on this but he literally acted like the flavor of the paste and the basic scrubbing action of brushing was like using a steel bristle brush on sun burned skin. While it is quite possible that he did have some kind of gum related tenderness and perhaps it was painful for him to brush, in the coming weeks as his gums turned from red to pink, he quickly got over it all and brushing became routine. That is when it turned into a psychological game.
Our first big policy change was to introduce a timer into the equation. We purchased a small digital kitchen timer for Michael so that he could time various aspects of his day. He used it when taking his daily math drills and now he would also use it when brushing his teeth. When it was time, he would set the timer for three minutes and then begin scrubbing. It seemed like a good plan to address his nature to quickly do a poor job.
For a while it seemed to work. One problem that came out of this was that he would sit there and watch the timer - waiting for three minutes to pass. Often during these times, he would stop brushing while he became enchanted by the timer. Our solution to that was that he was not allowed to "look" at the timer while brushing. The timer was a distraction and so he had to turn the other way, turn the timer around or place it face down while it was running. For a while that seemed to work too.
It was not long after this that he began to simply brush the same part of his mouth over and over. In some cases it was only one tooth or one side of his mouth. No "round and round circles small gums and all" kind of action. Just short back and forth strokes. There were also times when he would maneuver his brush all over his mouth but not actually brush anything in particular. He did this to compensate for us telling him to brush more than one spot. In his mind, he was complying with our rules and doing what was asked of him. He believed that he was putting in WAY more effort than he wanted and therefore nothing could possibly go wrong and no fungus could ever survive his massive oral cleansing effort.
Surprise surprise! More teeth became rotten as tooth decay spread. I took digital photos of the teeth in his mouth and showed them to him. As his rotten teeth fell out, we put them into a small zip lock bag for keeping and to remind him of what had been in his mouth. I had him imagine putting that tooth back into his mouth and sucking on it like it was candy. I would also make him smell the tooth in the bag - which I might add is enough to make you vomit. He "seemed" grossed out by all of this. I reminded him that these rotten teeth were once in his mouth and there are going to be more if he doesn't change his habit. On one occasion he asked me if the "tooth fairy" was going to give him a dollar for his black and green tooth. I was speechless.
We took the approach that he probably doesn't know how bad his teeth really are. Like many orphans, he struggles with cause and effect thinking. He has bad teeth and mom and dad are always on him about brushing but these are isolated issues. He has been to the dentist in America several times, has had cavities filled, and had prescription medicine for various ailments in his mouth - but again - these are all unrelated. If he doesn't take care of his teeth, all the treatment in the world is not going to help. I believe that one or more of the following is happening:
- He can't put two and two together and figure out that rotten teeth come from neglect
- He doesn't care
- The potential consequences are unlikely to actually happen
In one of his front upper teeth, he had a cavity which was cleaned, drilled and filled. The tooth resembles Swiss cheese and the cavity itself looks like a hole is being bored right through the front center of the tooth. You can't miss it even if you only get a casual glance at his smile. We got him a mirror to use so that he could see what he was doing while he brushed for three minutes. This too turned into a game.
On each instance, he would faithfully fetch his timer and mirror. I would almost say that he "clinged" to having these objects while brushing his teeth. He would squirt a vapor of tooth paste on his brush, turn his timer on and spin it around to face away from him, then sit there and stare at himself in the mirror - for three minutes. He always remembered to get the mirror and timer.
We have addressed the issue of using a minimal amount of toothpaste repeatedly and Michael seems convinced that only the bare minimum is required. He has mentioned on several occasions that if you mix a little toothpaste with your spit, that is more than enough to do a good job. I asked him, "how is that working out for you?"
I then would ask him if he would ever use one small squirt of hand soap to wash his entire body in the bathtub. He knows that he needs a bar of soap and good sized squirt of shampoo to wash his hair. "Why would you think you would only need such a small amount of toothpaste?", I would ask. This would always cause him to give me the blank - "deer in the headlights stare".
Even when I show him his own teeth - the ones in the bag and the few that remain in his mouth - he is unfazed. He will look at his own black teeth and say things like, "I see what you mean" and then he will do it again and use the exact same reasoning as to why he didn't use enough tooth paste. Logical reasoning and Michael do not go together. It's more than that however. He has demonstrated that while he has the ability to understand, he does not want to comply. This is nothing short of defiance and rebellion and he likes to use ignorance as a cover.
An interesting aspect about all this is that he always makes it very well known that he was now beginning the tooth brushing process. He was very obvious about getting his timer and mirror.
What do I mean when I say "obvious"? Let's say you were sitting in a chair reading a book and minding your own business. Michael would make a point of walking past you and announce, "I have to get my timer". Keep in mind that there was no previous conversation going on between you and him or him and anyone else, nor was he asked what he was doing or where he was going. This is information he freely offered up so that any interested parties were fully aware that he was now about to engage in his tooth brushing activity and therefore complying with previous commands.
"I can't possibly be disobeying because I just made a point of letting you know that I am complying - even though I am not going to actually do what I just announced I was going to do and since you didn't ask me about it and are not watching me, you will think that I am trying to take initiative to be good.. This is how good boys behave and since you now think I am doing this, you will think I am being good. Everything is now good". This kind of logic is very simple, yet incorrect and also very twisted.
For Michael, more effort is always put on the illusion of being good, rather than simply being good. He is the kind of person that would take a shortcut across town even if it meant leaving Wisconsin and going through California and back again, if he thought he could fool you somehow. The fact that he even tries leads me to think that he views us as stupid and gullible.
Since most of his twisted mental games require other people or objects to act upon, we have taken away the timer and the mirror. Additionally, he is also to brush his teeth out of sight of anyone else. It is very important to Michael to give the impression that he is a good boy, but he has no actual intent of complying regardless of the personal consequences.
What is his solution to this new requirement? You'll probably never guess, so I'll tell you. He goes into the bathroom with his brush and toothpaste vapors and pretends he is killing two birds with one stone. He wants us to believe that he is brushing his teeth and going to the bathroom at the same time. What does he actually do? He places his brush on the vanity, sits on the toilet and plays with boogers.
Ask me how I know this...
