3/31/2007 - Saturday
- 3/31/2007 6:32:28 AMDay 9 - Saturday - The FleeceI set my alarm for 5:30 this morning. I wasn't going to see much of Peggy so I wanted to be able to spend a little time with here this morning. I also wanted to make sure I knew the times and instructions for todays visit to Appleton.
I started reading my email...more big concerns. The Blohoiak family has their daughter Lydia at the Mayo clinic to study her brain tumor. A couple from Oconto Falls is having their 3rd baby and apparently half of the baby's heart is either dead or malformed and it will have open heart surgery. The CMA district announced that the missionaries were going to have to take a 7% pay cut due to lack of giving. Some other very wealthy individuals bailed them out and now there will be no pay cut but this still reflects a big problem with missionary giving in the church. The large financial donations were nice but they are only a temporary solution to a long term problem. In addition to all of this I will have my annual performance review at work this next week and I'm beginning to be stressed about that. I also have a big lesson to work on for Wednesday night youth group. Pressure, stress, more pressure, more stress. I hope a diamond pops out soon.
I prayed about how much there was going on in my little world. Earlier in the week I read an article about "baby-drops" in Germany and how many women were killing or abandoning their children. There is so much going on - so much to pray about. I am thankful that God is a big God and nothing is beyond the scope of his ability to solve even though the sum of things is way beyond my ability to comprehend.
I started thinking about Gideon's fleece. I had been considering using a fleece to help me make the decision regarding Yuri and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it for fear of a "wrong answer" - meaning one that I couldn't get my heart and mind to agree with. I thought of the consequences of throwing out a fleece and what happened to Gideon. Yes, Israel won the battle but it was not the way Gideon thought it would be.
So I began to mull over the details. What would the sign be? There are a few things that I thought would have worked out over the past year that didn't. For example, I had an opportunity to write a Journal program for another ministry last year. In the end, the deal fell through. I also worked up multiple prototypes for other websites. In many cases, I was very certain that it would work out but in the end it didn't. What if one or more of them called back? That would be a nice fleece.
I'm not a big lottery ticket person. I understand quite well my odds of wining, so I make it a habit of not playing. I realize it is only a dollar but it is the principle of the thing. I don't make it a habit of giving $3 to the Presidential campaign, I don't go to Oneida and give my money to the Indians and I don't buy lottery tickets. That is not to say that I haven't bought them in the past but I can say today that I honestly don't remember the last time I purchased one.
Yesterday Peggy said that she felt that the reason the amount for the adoption was so high was so that it would definitely have to be a God-thing if this was going to work... this smells like a fleece in the making. Now for the terms...
Peggy had always said that in the event we ever won such a large amount of money, she wanted to give half to the church. I have never bought into that idea and kept quiet about it. I had always believe that the church would get at least 10% of the winnings but I didn't know what else after that. I just knew they would receive a large portion.
Then I considered all the other families who were in the same boat we're in. Considering adoption but choking on the cost. What if the terms were as follows:
- Uncle Sam takes his cut
- 10% immediately to the church
- $50k set into an account for our adoption related expenses + a buffer for the unknown
- The remainder distributed to the other host families adopting children from this trip.
As I sat in the morning with Peggy, I noticed a book that I had checked out from the library - "How should we then live?" by Francis Schaeffer. Prior to the email telling us about the hosting, I was well on my way into a deep reading kick. I was consuming more reading than I had done in a while. Since Yuri came into our lives, I have not been reading very much at all. I think the Lord has been working-over my soul anyway. Scripture says "The Lord disciplines those he loves" and he prunes them as well. All the parts that don't produce good fruit are thrown into the fire. I can say for certain that pruning hurts. This particular pruning has been like cutting new teeth - when your jaw aches and your gums bleed and you just want to chew on everything. It hurts when you chew but you have that urge to bite down hard anyway. Or perhaps when you go to take a deep breath and you get a sharp pain in your lungs and you realize that you have to breathe deep anyway to get past the pain.
Peggy got ready, said "good-bye" and headed to the church to meet up with other women to attend the Women's Break-Away in Chilton. We hung out until 8:20. I told Yuri we were going in the "machina" and "bye-bye". He pointed to a photo that was taken when we were at the Vacation Bible School and said "schoola?". I said, "yes" and he quickly got his shoes on. I grabbed $1 in change from the penny jar from on top of the refrigerator and we headed out for Appleton. The drive was relatively quick and uneventful.
At first we went into the church and the kids practiced their song near the alter. Tomorrow there will be a second service where we will go across the street into the school gym and do it all over again. Most of the kids seemed to sing with a little enthusiasm. Yuri was easily distracted. I wondered if he realized or had been told that the end of the visit is near. He was extremely quiet on the way home. Then again, Peggy and Emily were not in the van and he was hungry.
On the way home from practice, we stopped at the Piggly Wiggly. James and I went in to pick up coffee, bread, milk and some sandwich fixings. The first stop was to the service counter where I bought a Powerball Ticket with change from our penny jar. James showed some concern and said, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone from our family buy one of those before. I don't think this is a good idea... walking around with all of that money!? What if you get robbed?"
I'm not sure he grasped the notion of "not having won yet". I told him that if Yuri were to stay with us, it was going to cost about half of our house. So in addition to paying for Yuri, we would still have to pay for our house. I said, "you know how you go to camp every year? That would stop." I didn't want to lay a guilt trip on him but I want him to be as fully aware of the the gravity of this decision. A few nights before, Emily had said in regards to adopting Yuri, "what is there to think about?" I don't think it occurred to her that she is not around very much anymore and Peggy and I don't have a secret stash of money some where.
Other friends of ours have suggested things like, "we can do a fund raiser!" The scope and detail of doing such things is very large and we have no estimates of the success of their success. What if we did a fund raiser and raised $1000 (which is more than we raise in a church youth group event)? That would be nice but only a drop in a very large bucket.
I told James not to breath a word this to anyone. I said, "practice keeping your mouth shut. Don't let this be anything that accidentally slips out of your mouth. I will tell the family. Not you." He asked why and I said, "do you remember the story of Gideon?" I didn't want to go into detail at the store about Gideons fleece, so I told him to read the story when he got home.
When we arrived at home, we made some very nice and thick sandwiches. Ham, turkey, salami, cheese with ranch dressing and pickles on the side. Yuri ate well and wanted cookies and/or chips and/or anything sweet he could get his hands on. I told him "no" repeatedly but I didn't raise my voice. It was just a flat, monotone, firm "no".
After lunch we watched one of our favorite movies (Napoleon Dynamite) while Ellie and Yuri played Legos. I don't think you have to understand English to get the core of that story because there isn't one. I took a nap on the couch. After the movie and my nap, I decided to work on my journal for a little bit but Yuri was very antsy. I decided to get him drawing and coloring so I fetched his paper, markers and colored pencils and began to draw pictures for him and Ellie. A truck and a fish. He colored his truck and that was the end of his drawing time.
Off and on he watched Megan putting together a toy roller coaster. He also played with a remote control car. We also watched the finished version of the Light-House video of this particular trip. Yuri was very interested in watching it. We saw images of his orphanage. From the video, it seems that they still have a fair amount of snow over there. I hope things look better in the summer because from what I saw... it looked liked a dumpy prison. Our prison here in Green Bay looks like the Hilton compared to that place. I pointed to the buildings on the screen and said to Yuri, "what is this". "Dom" he said.
3/30/2007 - Friday
- 3/30/2007 8:22:08 AMDay 8 - Friday - Grandma's VisitI dreamed of being on a hiking trip with James last night. We were somewhere out west in the "Big Country". It was late in the evening so we set up our camp and I began to fix dinner. On the menu - steak! I guess I was still being affected by watching the movie Water World. In the movie, Kevin Costner uses himself as bait to catch this very large fish. The next scene shows him grilling a large blob of meat. It is so large that he just grabs the meat with his hands to flip it. That - combined with the grilled sirloin we had last night got my mind going. In the dream, I was cooking on a large grill. Each piece of meat I handled was larger than the one before. By the time I really got going, the pieces of meat were the size of a large turkey. Without noticing, hundreds of other men were now all gathered at our camp site and I was cooking for all of them.
I woke up at 6:00 today. Grandma was sound asleep camped out on the sleeper-sofa. As I was finishing up in the shower, Yuri started knocking on the door to use the bath room. I skipped combing my hair and came out. He was in there for a long time. It probably had something to do with all the steak he ate last night. Yuri went right to the cereal cabinet and said, "popcorn" and pointed to a box of Banana Nut Crunch. I said, "no" and brought down the container of oats. He looked into it but had no reaction.
I told Grandma that we normally eat oatmeal, cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, cereal or eggs and asked what she wanted. She was fine with oatmeal so I cooked a large kettle of it. I didn't know what happened with yesterday's oatmeal. I had poured out 4 bowls of it and then left. From what Megan told me, Yuri didn't like it very much and only ate 2 or 3 spoonfuls because Peggy made him.
Since there was so much oatmeal, it took a little while to get the water boiling. I brought the bible into the dining room for Megan and I to read. As we read, Grandma was moving around getting herself dressed. I read from the devotional and Megan read from Ephesians 5:6-17. While she was reading the last verse, I saw Grandma look over at her with and expression of, "What in the WORLD are you reading!?" Here is the passage:
(Ephesians 5:16-17) "Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."
This, in a nut-shell is what I have been wrestling with for the last week. Trying to be wise, understanding what the Lord's will for my life is and doing what is expected of me.
When Peggy came down, she noticed what we were eating and said that Yuri didn't like oatmeal. She went to the cabinet and poured him a bowl of Banana Nut Crunch. She mentioned that she learned her lesson about Yuri and sugar again. She said that didn't think the 3 small cookies she gave him after dinner would have affected him so much. Yuri and sugar do not play nice together.
Peggy will be bringing Megan to Soccer practice in DePere today. I told her that shingles are on sale at Menards and perhaps she could go and pick out a color for the porch roof. Then she could swing by the office and everyone could meet Yuri.
Grandma and I got into the car and headed for Green Bay. We had some light conversation until she said, "getting back to our discussion from yesterday...". Then she continued by saying things like, "You just don't know. You just don't know how this will affect your family. Things are going to be different and you just don't know how much or in what way". I said that I agreed with her on that general general statement. Then she continued with a little more specific but still definitely negative consequences.
Last year she had a new knee put in so I told her the following analogy:
You go to the doctor to have your new knee and he says to you, "we're going to replace your knee and you're going to experience some issues with it but in the end it will be good". On the other hand, the doctor might have said, "we're going to replace your knee and it is going to hurt like hell. You will be sick from the anesthesia and your bones will ache for months. You will have trouble walking and at times you will consider cutting off your own leg to reduce the pain. You'll invent new swear words and curse my name day and night. But in the end, it will be good". I said, "in either case, you will have the same experience. The only difference is knowing about it before hand. Which do you prefer?"
Then I told her, "we could spend the rest of the ride home talking about all the negative aspects of this and play endless worst-case scenario's. If we do that too much, we run the risk of becoming negative ourselves". Then she said, "Yea. There are positives too." Then the conversation about Yuri ended. The rest of the ride was quiet. I dropped her off at her apartment and headed to work.
Peggy had errands to run in Green Bay today. She stopped by the office so that my coworkers could meet Yuri. He was extremely shy to everyone he was introduced to but he seemed to enjoy the office environment though. After a short visit, Peggy took Yuri and the kids to get him a new pair of shoes from Wal-Mart.
I got home at the usual time and noticed that Lori and Melissa were here. Melissa had done a Pampered Chef party and was dropping off some things for Peggy and Emily and now they were just visiting. I could guess the topic of the conversation even before I sat down - Yuri. It was not long before Lori looked at me and said, "so, when are you going to decide?". That question stung a little although I don't believe she meant it that way. She was aware of a previous conversation I had with Peggy and Emily where I said I would not be deciding anything until after Yuri left. I gave her a little of the evil eye look for asking.
I said, "There are some things you just don't do. You don't go grocery shopping when your hungry. You don't bring kids into the checkout aisle that has candy at their eye level. If you're shopping in the mall with kids, you don't go and visit the pet store." Lori interrupted, "because you might come home with something!" I said, "that's right!" I continued, "and you definitely don't make a decision of this caliber under a lot of emotional stress and pressure". Lori agreed and said, "definitely not. This is a big decision."
Lori went on to tell of a time when their family hosted some female high school Russian basket ball players. They had some quirky behaviors, one of which was not ever taking a shower or bath the entire time they stayed at their house - 1 week.
By this time, Yuri had noticed that I was home. I said to him, "where are your new shoes?" Yuri ran and put them on and came back to show me. They were grey/brown with bright orange stripes. "I think he likes orange", Peggy said. Peggy said he was very sassy again at Megan's soccer practice today. James said Yuri had tried to fight with him when it was time to go too. I don't think it was a sugar related thing this time, although I do know that he polished off a can of Pringles. While they are not known as a "sugar" food, they are definitely a carbohydrate and not "good" for you. I can't say for certain, "it must have been the Pringles", but it is clear that Yuri is somewhere between "excitable" and "hyper" and that sugar only compounds this.
Peggy had made macaroni and cheese for supper. It was not filling. I had a large bowl of that and then was in the fridge looking for more. Yuri was also not full. He is an eating machine. So today he had cereal, pringles, mac & cheese and now we were going to have some bagel sandwiches. As I'm typing this it is occurring to me how much grain, starch & carbs that is. If he stayed with us and continued to eat like this, he would not only be hyper but fat as well.
Later in the evening, we watched The Incredibles. I like this movie. After it was done, Yuri, James and I had a wrestling match with our dirty socks. The rules were simple - take a dirty sock (from your foot or someone else's) and shove it into someone's face. I sat on the couch while James and Yuri climbed on me. Yuri tried to get himself on top of my shoulders - very dangerous position to be in. I could hear him hollering in my mind as I imagined him falling and hitting his head on something.
While he was up there and during the horse play, Yuri began to punch and slug me. I have played rough with him previously - tickling, chasing, wrestling... and he always resorts to this punching behavior. If he were 50 pounds larger, he could be intimidating.
Later in the evening, Peggy and I began to talk about adopting. I didn't want to participate in this discussion because I felt it would end up leading us into making a premature decision so I mostly kept quiet. Peggy reviewed her notes from the price sheet and we confirmed $37,000+ for the "known" costs. I told her that I had previously just taken her word for the costs but earlier in the week I also reviewed the cost sheet and plugged it into Excel. I didn't tell her that I had also been playing with loan amounts too and the monthly payments for such a loan were high.
She said, "I can't think of it as money. If I do, then I begin to think it's impossible."
I said, "it is money. These are real costs."
She continued, "I get the feeling like God wants to make this totally out of our reach so that when it happens, we'll know that it was Him doing it and not us."
I said, "I think I know what you mean. When I think of the high cost, I feel like if I focus on that I have no faith."
I reminded her of the condition of Lydia Blohoiak who has a brain tumor. We prayed for her in an emergency congregational prayer meeting and one lady said after the meeting, "I know God has healed her. I mean, how could he not hear the prayers of all these other precious little children?" She was referring to the prayers of all the children of the church families who had offered some very heart felt and sincere prayers on Lydia's behalf. I said to Peggy, "she still has the brain tumor. Sometimes God says 'no' and I'm not willing to go head first into this much debt and then ask God to bail me out. Do you realize this will put us into debt farther than we have ever been?"
She said, "I know."
3/29/2007 - Thursday
- 3/29/2007 7:00:12 PMDay 7 - Thursday - Home For DinnerWhen we got home, I immediately went into the shop to cut the a trim board that I had promised for Jason. I also told Yuri to grab the sign he had made for Peggy's flower garden and bring that in the house too. It needed repairs and I decided I would have him screw the sign together rather than use roofing nails. He was very excited to be in the shop using the drill. He watched intently as I cleared of the table saw and prepared it for cutting. I gave him the safety glasses to wear while the saw was on. When we were done, I gave him the hammer and had him pound the sign back into it's place. He liked that.
Peggy had taken out sirloin steak for dinner so I got the grill ready. Yuri was interested in watching me operate the grill and seeing the fire. There were 3 large packs of meat and I didn't have enough space on the grill to cook all of it at the same time. Along with the steak, Peggy made rice, a salad and mixed vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots). When I attempted to scoop some vegetables on to Yuri's plate, he shouted loudly "NO!" and I said firmly back "YES!". Peggy interrupted by telling me that she had made a salad too and she knew he wasn't going to like the vegetables and didn't want to fight about it. She said, "let's just make his last few days here as pleasant as possible". She had a point, although I felt like she was being manipulated or conceded this battle to Yuri.
Yuri ate everything on his plate and especially liked the steak. He asked for more so I cut him another very large piece. After dinner, Peggy brought out some Chips-Ahoy cookies for desert. We each got 3 and Yuri wolfed his down. This was around 7:30 PM. By the time bed time came around, Yuri was very hyper and running around the house. I had already been in bed and I could hear her speaking firm with him, "Time for bed!". "NO!". "Do you want me to get papa?". "NO!" Followed by more running around. Finally he went upstairs. Peggy must have thought he was going to bed but instead he went towards the girls room. I could hear him trying to horse around with Megan. He must have pinched her or something because she called out "Ouch! That hurt Yuri." I had had enough of his nonsense and got out of bed. As my heavy foot steps approached him, he turned away from Megan and I and headed for his bed. I followed him in to his room. I snapped my fingers and pointed to his bed. "BED! NOW!", I said. "Ok ok ok", he replied.
Peggy came to bed later and asked what my mom had said to me regarding Yuri and adopting. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it. I just wanted to sleep and figured it would just get her worked up if I mentioned any of the specifics. Then we would be up talking late into the night and I wouldn't get any sleep. I summarized by saying, "You can probably guess what she said". Referring to my mom's general negative attitude about things. Then I said, "basically she said to 'be careful' and 'make sure you know what you're getting into'". Peggy said that my dad had said something similar when he called. - 3/29/2007 6:29:12 PMDay 7 - Thursday - Grandma and the drive homeI had called my mom the night before and told her that Yuri was here now and that if she wanted to see him before he goes back to Russia, she needed to make plans to visit soon. She called me at work and made arrangements that I would pick her up on my way home. She could then sleep over and I could bring her home in the morning on my way in.
On the ride home, we began to talk about adopting Yuri. I told her the estimated cost and she said, "that's a lot of money'". I agreed. "Have you thought about what this would do to your family? How it would affect your children?" she asked. Of course I have thought about it and I continue do to so. It has been weighing heavily on my mind for the last week. But of course she wouldn't know about how I have wrestled with this and I didn't tell her either.
I told her that I was very interested in doing what was expected of me. What God expects of me, my wife, her, my children... If I know this, then I will be able to know when I fail. I said, "back in the day, children took care of their parents when they got old. Today however, we ship our elderly to the nursing home. I'm interested in doing the right thing. I have certain obligations to you as a son. One of which is to take care of you."
She more or less disagreed with me about having expectations and obligations and trying to live up to them. I think she thought I was putting unrealistic pressures on myself. She said, "God will forgive you for your mistakes." "This may be so", I said. "But that doesn't mean he is not disappointed or unhappy with the decisions I make".
I believe that God's expectations of me are unique to me. He challenges me with what I am able to handle - which is usually beyond what I think I can handle. This is how He stretches me and causes me to grow in spirit and in faith. After a lengthy discussion, she confessed that she was playing devil's advocate - which I appreciated.
"I remember a young man who had a little baby and used to call his mom crying on the phone", she said. I think she was implying that I need to be careful about what responsibilities I take on. While I don't specifically remember crying to her on the phone, I do remember calling her 18 years ago my oldest daughter was just a baby. I said, "I am not the same man I was then". - 3/29/2007 7:29:12 AMDay 7 - Thursday - Another Quiet MorningThis morning looked like it was going to be another quiet morning alone. I enjoyed yesterday morning but already I was missing the usual time with the kids eating breakfast, reading the bible and enjoying the time together. I didn't know who was going to get up so I made the usual amount of oatmeal. I filled 5 bowls - one for me and one for Megan, James, Ellie and Yuri. Shortly after I ate and read, Megan got up.
We began to talk about what kinds of things people think are important and what we thought were. "Some people are blind", I said. As I spoke the words, I felt conviction. I was not blind in regards to Yuri, his needs or the needs of any orphan. I contemplated making a decision regarding him and because I knew what was expected of me, I could not plead "I didn't know...". I said to Megan, "sometimes people think some things are important that really aren't".
3/28/2007 - Wednesday
- 3/28/2007 3:15:46 PMDay 6 - Wednesday - Dentist VisitToday, Yuri has his follow up visit at the dentist. Peggy says that the translator was about 20 minutes late and that Yuri was again scared to death. According to Evelyn the dentist, Yuri has had some significant work done in his mouth and whether done by a good dentist or bad, it must have been quite an ordeal for him to go through. Fortunately, what ever problem he had was caught in time. There are some cavities on some of the baby teeth he has left, but the adult teeth he has look good.
Peggy explained to the translator that yesterday was not a good day. Yuri was very defiant and disobedient. She told Peggy that we need to be firm with Yuri - he needs it. Peggy said that she decided "this MY house" and that she was not going to take any sassy behavior from Yuri. The day went better for her and Yuri seemed to respond better to stricter rules.
At work, I talked things over with Patrick. I explained to him the rough estimated cost of adopting and that Peggy had added up the estimated costs given to us. It came to around $37,000. I had not actually looked over the numbers myself and was taking her word for it. I decided to add the numbers myself. Yes - definitely at least $37k. Probably closer to $40k because there were a few items they said had to be paid for but there was no cost listed. Patrick showed me an email he had received from a friend who adopted from Russia. They adopted 2 girls and it cost around $50k. This is consistent with the numbers we were given. Patrick's friends live in Seattle and took out a 2nd mortgage on their home. Homes out there are much more expensive on average than here in the mid-west. I don't have that kind of equity in my home to take out a 2nd mortgage. At this point I have concluded that for this adoption to work, God will have to provide the finances for it. Patrick suggested putting out a fleece like Gideon. I don't know if I want to do that. I don't know if I want to adopt Yuri.
On Wednesdays we always have pizza for supper. It is a quick meal and helps us get out of the house on time so we can make it to Church Youth Group and Awana. Yuri seemed very excited about pizza although when he saw the frozen American style pizza we eat, he looked less enthused. Cheese with sausage and pepperoni, Cheese-burger, and Mexican.
Yuri put on his Awana shirt which he as part of the donated clothes from Patrick and Wendy and Wendy's co-worker Zoya and Zoya's friends at Good-Will. All together, they have donated a ton of clothes for Yuri and the orphanage he will return to. Thank you very much for all of your help!
We went to church where Yuri saw Grandma Carol signing kids in. She gave him a big hug. Yuri ran around and played games with the other kids. While they were doing their memory verses, Peggy brought Yuri around to see what the other kids were doing.
When we got home, we watched Lost on TV and ate Pringles. Yuri likes them and finished off a tube of pizza flavored chips. Then he conned Emily into trading and empty tube for what ever she had. I think his mind is somewhere between clever and devious. He thought it was pretty funny. Emily thought otherwise and gave him "the look". - 3/28/2007 1:15:46 PMDay 6 - Wednesday - Tossing and TurningLast night was one of the worst nights of sleep I have had in quite a while. I tossed and turned most of the night contemplating Yuri. During the brief moments of sleep I had, I dreamed of Peggy working, me getting a second job, selling my plasma... all to finance Yuri's adoption. I dreamed that we only had to go in debt $5,000 and that didn't seem so bad.
When I awoke at 6:00 AM, I went downstairs as quietly as possible. When I passed by Yuri's room I looked in to see if he was awake or stirring. I'm not sure if my mind was playing tricks on me or not but it looked like his eyes were open and looking at me. But then again, he has dark long eye lashes. I didn't take a second look. I didn't want him to be awake. I just wanted a quiet morning alone.
When I got out of the shower, I thought about how much breakfast I should make. Normally when I would make oatmeal, I would make enough for myself, Megan, James and Ellie. Would I need to make more if Yuri woke up too? I decided I would just make the usual amount (3 cups) and we would all just have a little smaller portion. I was secretly hoping that none of them would be awake. Then I could just eat, read and contemplate in peace and quiet - alone.
I poured a cup of coffee and began to prepare the oatmeal. It takes a few minutes for the water to boil and then 5 more minutes for the oatmeal to cook. I figured I had some time where I could just sit and read while I was waiting, so I went to get my bible. I use my bible daily and it is usually kept on one of the steps of stair case right off the dining room. We always place items that need to go up stairs there so that when the owner of the item passes by on their way up, they can just grab it. Since I use my bible regularly, it never goes up. My kids all know where it is located and it is frequently used as the "communal" reference bible. If you need to use a bible, use dad's.
I went to the stairs and it was not there. I quickly realized it had been brought up by someone else as part of cleaning and preparing for our dinner guests on Monday. The fact that I was just now realizing this meant that I had not read yesterday because I had not noticed that it was not on the stairs. So now I faced a decision, do I go up stairs and get my bible and run the risk of waking up Yuri and the kids and lose my quiet morning or do I skip reading today to preserve the solitude? If I skip reading, does this some how translate into a reflection of my selfish nature and my true feelings towards my commitment to God's word? If this is a reflection of my commitment, what would God's reaction to this be? What kind of man am I?
I began to feel sick and disgusted with myself. I decided that I had to read and that I didn't want to abandon something that is important to me - daily reading of God's word. The kids kept sleeping. When I got back down stairs, I put the oatmeal on to cook and I thought about what had just happened. Would I make the wrong decision about Yuri? Would I disappoint God? I'm certain that God already knew what I was going to do, but knowing the outcome would not prevent him from being disappointed in me should I do the wrong thing. What an awful thing it is to have the blackness of your own heart revealed to you.
There are times when I pray that God would be near to me. Sometimes while I'm driving home from work, I'll clear the passenger seat so that Christ will have a place to sit should he suddenly appear to me while I'm driving. I pray that it will not scare the crap out of me and cause me to swerve off of the road. Today I prayed that I would not disappoint God and that my heart and will would be in alignment with His. Below is the reading from today's Our Daily Bread:
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Lamentations 3:22-23
On a teaching trip to the Bible lands, our study group had just spent a restful night at our Tiberias hotel. When I awoke, I went to my window and gazed at the beauty of the sunrise on the Sea of Galilee. As I thought ahead to the places we would be visiting that day-the same places where Jesus had walked 2,000 years before-I was excited about the opportunities of the day that had begun with the splendor of the sunrise.
We don't need to be in Israel, however, to be amazed at what God gives us each day. Every morning of life offers us new challenges and rich blessings as we walk with Christ. Despite mistakes we may have made yesterday, choices we regret, and heartache we have endured, God is merciful to us. The sunrise reminds us of His faithfulness and of the new start each day brings.
Perhaps it was the simple joy of a beautiful sunrise that prompted Jeremiah to write, "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness" (Lam. 3:22-23).
Each new day the Lord gives to us-whether in the Bible lands or at home-is an expression of His faithfulness and provides opportunities to live for Him. - Bill Crowder
Lord, in the hush of early dawn,
When all the world lies sleeping,
I place my life and all I love
Into Thy gracious keeping. -White
The best reason for hope is God's faithfulness.
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I took some comfort in knowing that even if I should be unfaithful to God, He will not be unfaithful to me. I still feel like a heel for thinking what I thought.
3/27/2007 - Tuesday
- 3/27/2007 10:00:00 PMDay 5 - TuesdayThis morning I decided to make a double batch of pancakes for breakfast and topping them with the real maple syrup that I received from a coworker as part of a syrup-for-egg trade. Yuri was awake early again and asked for some juice. I poured him a glass of some kind of red juice. It was probably raspberry, cherry or strawberry something or other.
I got him started on cracking the eggs into a mixing bowl and stirring them with a whisk. As I began to add the ingredients, he watched very closely to see what was going to come of this creation. I don't know if he knew what it was (the pancake batter). He watched me pour the batter into the pan and flip the pan cakes. He had no interest in licking the whisk or the spatula I used to stir the batter. He didn't ask about or motion for any of the fresh hot pancakes either. He asked Peggy for a glass of juice. She wasn't aware that he already had one.
I set the table and placed the large plate of hot pancakes in the center along with real butter and pure syrup. We prayed and dug in. Yuri took 3 pancakes. I poured the syrup on my plate and all over my pancakes and let him taste it with his finger... No good! He didn't want anything to do with maple syrup. Peggy got up and returned with the cheap stuff - maple flavored corn syrup. Yuri tasted it and was convinced it was the same as the pure stuff - No Good! Wow! That surprised me.
I asked him if he wanted any butter - NO!
Ok
So Yuri ate 3 dry pancakes for breakfast this morning. After breakfast he said to me, "Popcorn popcorn". I told him "no". We had some popcorn the other night while we watched the storms in the northern sky. That was a nice evening. I just didn't feel like making or eating any more popcorn along with my very sweet pancakes. He asked again, "popcorn"!. I said again, "no". I don't know how many times this went on but it was quite a few. "Popcorn". "No".
Yuri went up stairs and began working on Jamie's bank. Jamie has a steel bank with a combination lock on the front. Yuri pulled on the door and began to crank on the combination dial until it just opened up. I guess the trick is to turn the knob slowly until you hear and feel the door open a little bit. Then you turn the knob the other way until it opens. So much for requiring the combination.
The social worker from Catholic Family Services is coming today. She has to pick up some paper work and observe our family in action. When all is done, we will be licensed as a temporary foster home. It seems kind of pointless now as Yuri is already here and the temporary part only lasts as long as his visit. Should we ever decide to become a permanent foster home, most of the paperwork is complete and only a further in depth analysis of our family life will be required. Ouch!
The paperwork we filled out had questions like, "Describe the husband's relationship with his parents" and "Describe your parenting style". We put in answers like, "normal". During a past meeting with the social worker she asked me about the parenting style question. At that time I told her, "freestyle". I'm not sure exactly what kind of an answer she was looking for. Perhaps I should have said, "Judeo-Christian style".
The social worker was scheduled to come at 9:00 AM. Peggy said she would call me after the visit and tell me how things went.
When I came home from work today, Peggy looked drained. She said, "today was not a good day". Apparently Yuri had been the refrigerator about 150 times today. Peggy did end up making 2 bags of popcorn. Besides the popcorn, it was difficult exactly pinpoint what Yuri ate. Some of the candy that was laid out on the counter was missing. Yuri found a Hershey's chocolate bar in the fridge and had repeatedly asked for it.
For supper tonight we had ham, stuffing and more string green beans. During supper last night, Yuri confessed that he actually liked green beans so I looked forward to the moment of truth. He put on quite a show. Peggy gave him a very small scoop of beans (approximately 1 large table spoon). That is not much. He ate each small piece one at a time and acted like a person who was trying to swallow aspirin for the first time - it tastes bad if you keep it in your mouth for too long and it doesn't go down easy. With each bean fragment came a large drink followed by a long exhale of air as if he was exhausted from the effort.
I tapped on his plate next to his beans and said, "Beans. Now."
"Ok. ok.", replied Yuri.
Then he used his butter knife to begin cutting each bean fragment into something smaller. By this time my patients was very thin. I had already taken his cup from him, now I took this butter knife too along with his napkin. "Beans. Now." I said in a firm voice.
Peggy cautioned me about being too firm and moving to quickly. She said, "we don't know if he came from any kind of abusive situation so please be careful on how you move - nothing to abrupt." I believe she is correct about that however I know what manipulation looks like. I've seen it up close from my own children for 18 years and I was not about to start tolerating it now.
3/26/2007 - Monday
- 3/26/2007 10:00:00 PMDay 4 - MondayA big day for Yuri today. 8:00 AM Dentist appointment with Dr. Evelyn Fredrick's in Gillett and a Dr. appointment at the hospital in Oconto Falls. I went to work so this is translated from what Peggy has told me.
Larissa the translator decided last night that she could not going to make it for the appointment today and was going to call but forgot. Peggy brought Yuri to the dentist office and when she discovered Larissa was not there, she called Marlyn's house asking where Larissa was. Marlyn said, "didn't she call you? She is in bed sleeping now. I'll go wake her up".
Yuri was scared to death. It seemed he was very much aware of where he was and the purpose for dentists - to cause little boys great pain through their mouth. Larissa got on the phone and told Yuri something like, "Be a good boy. They're not going to hurt you".
Evelyn was very good with Yuri. She brought him into another room where another young boy was having his teeth cleaned. Yuri watched while Evelyn tried her best to explain what was happening. In the end, she did not do a cleaning but just a visual inspection of his mouth. It seemed that Yuri had been to the dentist before as he had a very large filling on one of his adult teeth. Evelyn gave him a cookie for being a good boy. He also got a new tooth brush and some floss.
After the dentist, Peggy took all of the kids over to the Herzog farm to play and have lunch. Yuri got a tractor ride from Jon Herzog and ran around and played. The Herzog farm might as well be an amusement park. There are adventures waiting to happen everywhere - hay to dig through, cows to chase and again... more horsing around.
At 3:30, Peggy brought Yuri to the hospital for his check up. She finally met up with Larissa and Tatayna there. Yuri is in the 75th percentile for both weight and height and is generally a very healthy boy.
I left work 1 hour early so that I could help get the house cleaned up and prepare dinner for our guests Larissa and Tatayna. We were both excited and nervous for the visit. Over the last few weeks we have been wondering about Yuri's past, Russia and everything else related and were looking forward to getting some answers. Since he arrived, we've been wondering what he has been saying to us. We were hoping we could get a clear story of Yuri's life and what is in store for him when he returns to the orphanage.
So much was said in the next few hours it is difficult to get it all straight but here are the highlights:
- We were told that Yuri was the youngest of 3 children but when asked about having any older siblings, Yuri said he had no older brothers or sisters.
- Yuri's mother died in 2003. She told Yuri that his biological father was a pilot and he died in a plane crash. Larissa said that it was very common for unwed mothers to use such stories as a cover for fathers who have run off. Yuri's mother remarried but either Yuri didn't like his step-father or the other way around. Either way, this man - the step father - is still alive and visited Yuri at the orphanage a little over 1 year ago.
- We asked about how Yuri's mother died and he didn't want to talk about it.
- Foster care is something that is just taking hold in Russia. Since it is a socialist country, people use it as an occupation. We asked what are Yuri's chances of being taken in by a foster family. Larissa said, "not good". He is a boy (strike 1), He is too old (strike 2), He eats too much (strike 3).
- We asked if he knew what was going on - the purpose of this visit. Larissa was not certain if Yuri understood. Many of the orphans, especially the older ones, know that sometimes when an orphan goes to visit the U.S., sometimes the American couple comes back for them and takes them home. For the orphans that go and then don't get adopted, they often become depressed and believe that they are garbage humans or that they did something wrong.
- Most of the orphans know who God and Jesus are. They know about forgiveness, mercy and grace but only on a conceptual level. These are all just words with no personal conviction attached to there meaning. Without regular training, and being immersed in anything, everything is relative. I suppose this is true everywhere but it is very obvious here.
- We tried to fish out of Yuri whether or not he understood what adoption was and what his feelings about it were. Yuri was asked, "when you go back to Russia, what would you like to say to the people you're staying with? What is your wish for them?" Yuri replied that he wished we were wealthy and had a happy life. When asked what he wished for himself, he would not answer.
- Larissa said that Yuri is a boy who although is high-energy - perhaps a little ADD, he responds very well to direction. She said this is good and bad depending on who he gets himself mixed up with. With the proper direction and mentoring, he could do very well. All orphans get first crack at getting into universities in Russia. However, many orphans lack the basic skills necessary to do well in post-high school education. In fact, many flat out do not know how to manage their lives and drink themselves to death. She said, Yuri's future is very uncertain at this point.
- Larissa recalled a conversation she had with another hosting family. Apparently they were not as interested in discussing the child they were hosting as much as they were interesting in telling Larissa what they knew of life in Russia. This bored her to no end. She said, "That child living in their home has NOTHING and they wanted to tell ME what they thought about Russia. I don't think they get it. " (meaning the purpose for the orphan children being here and what being a host family, and furthermore being a Christian was all about)
- Larissa asked what we thought of Yuri, how he was fitting into our family and adopting him. To sum it up, the reports we received about him were far more scary than our observations of him. He is a very energetic boy but he is very pleasant to be around. He is respectful and compassionate. He responds well to authority and fits in with our children. No doubt, his mannerisms are a little different than ours but if he were with us for a year, I believe our family would run like a well oiled machine.
When the evening was done, Peggy took Larissa, Tatyna back to DePere to be picked up by Maryln. She brought Yuri and Megan along for the ride. I guess Yuri fell asleep in the van shortly after they left. Larissa relayed more stories of past adoptions. Some went well and others didn't. She told Peggy that she has a very kind husband. :-)
Peggy and I stayed up talking until Emily got home. We discussed the things Larissa said. Peggy said that she wanted to make a decision about adopting Yuri before he headed back for Russia. I told her that I was not going to make any decisions until after this visit was over. Emily asked what more I needed to know. She seemed to imply that the decision seemed to be obvious. Peggy said that she was ready to decide now and her vote would be "yes".
Peggy told me a little more of what happened at the doctor's office today. Larissa and Tatyna were trying to squeeze some information from Yuri about his past, his mother and what he thought. During the questions, he said he was afraid of losing his new special friend. When asked who that was, he pointed to Peggy and said, "momma".
3/25/2007 - Sunday
- 3/25/2007 10:00:00 PMDay 3 - SundayI woke up this morning at 6AM. I think I might have hit the snooze. I remember being aware of the consequences of using the snooze alarm - Others would hear it and I would not get any quiet time this morning.
As I got up and walked past the boys room, I glanced in to see if Yuri was awake or not. His legs moved a little and I feared that the alarm woke him. I went down stairs to make coffee and shower as I do every day at this time. I have a routine:
1. Go Pee
2. Make Coffee
3. Shower
4. By the time I'm done with my shower, the coffee is ready to drink
5. If it is a week day, I pack my lunch and make breakfast for the kids and prepare for a daily devotional
6. If it is a week end, I read quietly and prepare my lesson plan
Seconds after I came out of the bathroom and was preparing to make coffee, Yuri came down. He looked a little sleepy and sat down at the kitchen table. I began to pour coffee and he went in to go pee. When he came out, he watched me finish making the coffee. He counted coffee scoops with me, "1... 2... good". "Click" and the coffee maker came to life. I told him as best I could that I was going to take a shower and I'd be out in a few minutes.
Based on an observation by James yesterday, I suspected that there might be urine all over the toilet because his aim is a little poor and he doesn't like to lift up the seat. I opened the lid and sure enough, most of the seat was very wet. I said, "Hey... what is this?" and signaled to him with my hand to come here. He said, "Ah" and grabbed some toilet paper and wiped it up. He was about to toss it into the trash but I told him to throw it into the toilet. Then I showed him how the seat can go up along with the lid. I stood in front of the toilet (with my cloths on) and pretended like I was urinating. "sphhhh sphhhh sphhhh". I hope he got the idea.
When I came out from the shower, I fixed him a bowl of his new favorite cereal - Sugar Smacks. He ate while I had coffee. He was telling me something but I don't know what. Perhaps it was the usual morning chatter, "I slept good/bad... I had a dream about.... My back hurts... "
We sat there in the quiet of the morning. Just him and I. I read the morning devotion from Our Daily Bread. He seemed to listen. It was the same as I do with my own children nearly every morning of the week. The only difference was, he is not my child and my own children were not present. This makes me wonder how things might change in our house should Yuri become part of our family.
Yesterday there was an incident where Yuri was riding on Ellie's tricycle. It is a heavy duty tricycle and all of the kids are able to ride it without fear that they will break it. Yuri cannot ride a 2 wheel bike like the other kids yet. He is such a high energy and quickly distracted boy, he would often leave the tricycle and go off running and hollering. No sooner would he do that then my son James would grab the tricycle and take off. Yuri would see this and then begin to call "James! James!" as if James had taken something from him.
Now, James has 2 other bicycles of his own and Yuri cannot ride a 2 wheel bike so I began to scold James about taking the tricycle. Perhaps I as too hard on him. He went off walking through the field alone. I wondered if James wondered how our family life might change if Yuri were to stay. Yesterday, during the VBS Larissa thanked each of the families for rescuing these kids from, "a living hell". With all of this in my mind I began to feel very guilty and convicted about my own attitudes and sharing the blessing of home and family that I had received and apparently took for granted.
I also began to think about what was to take place at church this morning. All of the sick and hurting were to come in front of the church and the elders were going to pray over each person individually. Pastor Kuhn told me a few days ago, "prepare your heart". I had been thinking of this off and on during the week but never spent any serious time in prayer about it. Now my mind was on Yuri and my family. It was more like the Lord was preparing my heart and setting things in order in my mind. All of these things rushed through my head while Yuri ate his cereal.
When he had finished eating, he went into the living room to resume playing with the Legos left out from yesterday. I grabbed my Sunday school lesson and began to read. I had quiet time for about 10 minutes until Peggy and Ellie came down. Ellie joined Yuri playing while Peggy drank coffee. For the most part, we prepared for church just like any other Sunday. We even left the house early and got to church with plenty of time to spare.
Yuri entered the church and one of the first people he encountered was Dave Kostreva. Dave is a true elder. He is old, very wise and leans on the Lord. Dave also keeps his pocket filled with Hershey's kisses - one for every kid and two for the ones that greet him with a smile. We sat in our usual row at church (2nd from the front). This is so that no one distracts us during the service. Shortly after the service began, we did the prayer of healing. Pastor Kuhn asked those who needed prayer for healing to sit in the front row - right in front of my family and Yuri.
Myself and the other elders gathered together in front of each person. Tim Fifield anointed each person with oil in the name of the Holy Spirit. I got down on one knee and held each person's hand. We took turns praying for everyone there (about 10 people). I prayed for Donna Revello. I don't personally know what her condition was but I prayed that God would restore her health so that she could continue to serve him with joy in her heart. I also prayed for Lydia Blohoiak, a little girl who recently discovered she has an inoperable brain tumor. Her mother Gail sat with her and is stressed to the max. We prayed for her too. Yuri and my family got a front row seat to watch us in action.
It was a very stirring and emotional thing to do and I had to fight back the tears while I prayed. More conviction and more guilt flooded my spirit and I could not resist the calling of God on my heart. I am convinced that it is my personal call to get my heart in line with God's heart. My agenda aligned with His. There can be no other way.
After church we had a pot luck dinner. The theme was Mexican and I wondered what (if anything) Yuri would eat. It seemed strange that someone would travel half way around the world and not eat the food local to that region. But this is America and that is how it is. Nevertheless, Yuri selected the food he thought he would like. One scoop of a rice dish, one burrito, some kind of corn bean medley and lots of corn chips. Before sitting down to eat, we made a quick stop at the desert table. One brownie and two small cupcakes. I also got him a cup of Chocolate milk.
He nibbled his way through each item. The Doritos and corn chips were the first things to go. He seemed upset that his burrito was not easily cut and when he tried it broke. I motioned to him that he could just eat it with his hands but he didn't want anything to do with it now that it was broken. He didn't eat his corn bread but he did eat some of the bean medley. Of course all of his deserts we eaten but not the chocolate milk. This surprised me. He wanted to go back to the desert table for more. I let him pick out one additional piece of cake. Perhaps I was being a push-over. I just wanted him to feel good about what was going on at the pot luck.
After lunch was done and the tables cleared up, Yuri, myself and the rest of the younger kids played an impromptu game of dodge ball. The youth group at church as play balls that are very spongy with a thin layer of plastic on them. You can throw them quite hard and it doesn't hurt when you are hit by them. My accuracy was dead on today. I could nail him on the run at 20 feet... WHACK! He would try and throw them back at me but he was not a good aim and couldn't throw nearly has hard or fast as I could. That didn't stop him. He would run right at me and start attacking me with his hands. Boxing, tickling and punching me in the butt. It was horse-play... boy style. Very physical with lots of laughing and a few cheap shots.
We left the church and headed for home around 2:00. I was exhausted and just wanted to read the news paper and take a nap. Our friends, the Hamels, invited us over for a play day. They have 4 children in and around the same ages of ours. I stayed at home and Peggy took Megan, James, Ellie and Yuri over there to play.
Mr. Hamel was cooking down 40+ gallons of maple sap outside. The Hamel girls allowed Yuri to ride 3 of their 4 horses. From what Peggy has told me, he was very excited about that.
While they were away I changed the oil in the Saturn. When they returned, I changed the oil in the van. As soon as I got the ramps out and lifted the hood of the van, Yuri got very excited. He ran out to me jabbering 100 mph. He obviously wanted to help. I drove the van onto the ramps, then crawled underneath dragging the oil basin with me. I pointed to the socket set and worked with Yuri to get the correct wrench and socket combination. He watched everything I did very closely. Since the van motor was still hot, the oil was also hot. I said to Yuri, "hot hot hot".
I took off the oil filter - which was extremely hot and replaced it with the new filter. I had put the old filter into the box from the new filter and closed it up. Apparently, Yuri didn't get the "hot hot hot" part of what I was saying. He grabbed the box and turned it upside down and poured hot oil sludge all over his hand and onto his new jeans. Suddenly he understood.
Later, Yuri picked out our supper meal. Ravioli, with mixed vegetables and garlic bread. I wondered how he would do with the vegetables. We already knew that he wasn't too keen on green beans. He didn't want any tomato sauce on his ravioli but preferred to eat them plain - a pasta pocket filled with beef. No butter, nothing. Just noodle with meat. He picked the carrots out of his vegetable mix but I was able to coax him into eating all of his vegetables.
During the visit to the grocery store, Peggy picked up some microwave pop-corn. We popped it and sat outside watching a lightening storm pass by to the north of us. The air temperature by us was very pleasant and it was not windy. It was very much like watching the fireworks on the 4th of July.
After the popcorn was gone, we came in to watch a movie. Tonights selection - Water World with Kevin Costner. I had not realized what a violent film that is. Lots of machine gun fire and plenty of killing. Yuri covered his head and looked away. With all of his machine gun noises, I wondered exactly how much violent television he had seen. I'm guessing not very much. Watching the movie was a mistake. Yuri was awake for all of the worst parts of the movie before he fell asleep on the floor. I covered his eyes as best I could but I shouldn't have had to do that. From now on, it is Chip and Dale and Chicken Run. By the time the movie was done, Yuri was sound asleep. I had to carry him up to bed. He crashed, fully clothed and facing the wrong direction.
3/24/2007 - Saturday
- 3/24/2007 10:00:00 PMDay 2 - SaturdayI woke up at 6AM and read my Sunday School lesson. Yuri was the 2nd person awake at 7:00. He had a bowl of Sugar Smacks. At supper yesterday, he didn't seem interested in milk but he definitely has it with cereal. He was a little more settled down this morning. Yesterday was a long busy day but today was starting out calm.
We prepared for our trip down to Appleton for the Vacation Bible School with the other Russian kids. We left home around 8:40 and arrived in Freedom around 9:45. We were one of the first families there. The school door that was facing the street was locked so we went across the street to the church. One of the doors was open but there was no one inside the building. Within a few minutes, the rest of the host families arrived and we headed toward a different door of the school. They had coffee, juice and some donuts waiting for us.
Yuri began to do something I didn't expect - he stuck close to us. Even though other Russian children that he had made the trip with were all around, he would signal to us and then whisper in our ear. It was as if he was telling us or asking something in private. This is similar to what my own children might do if we had gone to a strange place and they only thing the knew was me. Perhaps he was trying to say, "I know that person" or "He is also from my orphanage". I don't know what he said but he did this many times while we were down there. He would ask permission to go into the gym or to get something to eat from the snack bar that was laid out. It felt like he viewed himself as part of our family.
We began the class with Larissa helping to introduce everyone. She seemed especially fond of Yuri and Yuri of her. Apparently Yuri has told her that we have a "super house" again and asked when she was going to visit. The pastor of the church gave a lesson on Christmas which Larissa translated. It was a short lesson and Yuri seemed familiar with the name Jesus.
After the lesson, all of the children gathered and began to sing some songs. Some in Russian and some English. Yuri seemed a little bossy. At times he was the only kid not facing the teacher. He would point his finger at the other kids and be telling them something. In addition to being a high-energy kid, I think he is a little mischievous too. While they were singing, I had a chance to talk with another prospective parent named Gary. He and his wife have been married for 12 years and have no children of their own. I asked him what he thought of the cost of adopting internationally. Just based on a quick review of the estimated costs provided by the Light-house project, it seems it's going to be around $37,000. I said, "that number kind of scares me". Gary responded, "Well their kids right? How do you put a price on that?"
In some ways he is correct, however his answer didn't sit well with me. "Well...", I said. "That is a LOT of money and I take spending that much very seriously." He asked what I did and I said, "I just have a regular 8 to 5 job. I am not independently wealthy". He said, "I'm not made out of money either". I said, "If money is going to play such a huge role in this, I want to know how to get through or around it".
In between classes, all of the kids (and some of the adults) went into the gym and played. Yuri liked that - especially the part with throwing balls at people. He ran, laughed and played. When he wanted something, he came to me or Peggy directly. At times we would bring him to Larissa to find out what he was saying. On once occasion he was asking if he could have some of the nuts that were out on the counter.
The kids did some crafts with glue and paper and had another class on the meaning of Easter. Yuri was very drawn to Larissa's camera and then to mine. I had brought our digital camera and video camera down to record the day. Yuri wanted very much to get his hands on both camera's.
During one of the craft periods, I had a chance to talk with Gary again and another father who had adopted from Russia just 8 months prior. All afternoon I've been dying to for more information about financing the adoption. I asked the other father, "Do you think you will adopt again or from Russia again?" He said, "I have to pay for this one first" Then I asked, "So what do you think about the cost?" He said, "It turned out to be quite a bit more than what they said it was going to be. You just have to make up your mind and just do it".
We left the VBS around 2:20 PM and headed back to Lena. Yuri and Megan horsed around in the back seat of the van. It is very clear that Yuri gets wound up very easily and does not settle down quickly. He was not too obnoxious but he clearly believes himself to be the center of attention. He squeals, giggles and makes lots of machine gun noises.
When we got home, Megan, Ellie and Yuri went outside and played. I was tired and took a nap. While I was sleeping, I heard someone come into the room and open a dresser drawer and then leave. It was a light-weight person. After I woke up, Peggy mentioned that Yuri asked about or was looking for me. She told him I was up stairs making "Zzzzzzzz".
Around 5 PM, I took out the laptop and began to type up the outline for my lesson tomorrow. Yuri was very interested in the laptop and kept looking over my shoulder at it. Peggy prepared supper - Polish sausage, egg noodles and French cut green beans. During dinner, Yuri made it very clear that he did not like green beans. He split his small pile of beans in half as if to say, "I'll eat half". Then he just sat there looking at the pile.
We were quite firm with him and insistent that he eat his beans. I scraped the other half of his beans onto my plate and at them. He ate most of his half which wasn't very much - about 2 fork fulls. We told him good job. Had it been one of my own kids or one of their friends (that I know well) I would have been much more firm. As it is, I hope we laid some ground work that he is to eat what we serve and obey us when we speak to him.
Peggy put him to bed around 9:00. He was a little excited but went to bed fairly well. He seems very interested in sleeping in the top bunk. Peggy told him that tomorrow he can sleep there.
3/23/2007 - Friday
- 3/23/2007 10:00:00 PMDay 1 - FridayYuri arrived in Chicago on Thursday, March 22, 2007 at 10:45 PM. He and the other members of his traveling group (2 adults and 9 kids - including Yuri) arrived at the Bernhardt's home in Green Bay around 2:45 AM Friday morning.
Peggy was exhausted from preparing the house, getting things in order and waiting. For me, I had not given Yuri's visit as much thought as she had but thinking of him visiting was definitely on my mind a lot. I told nearly everyone at work about his visiting and that we were considering adopting him based on the visit and what we perceived God's will on the matter to be.
Peggy went to bed early on Thursday night. I stayed up with the kids watching Chicken Run until 10 PM. When I went to bed, I couldn't sleep. I laid awake until around mid-night. Then I slipped in and out of sleep until the call came at 1:41 AM and that they were 90 minutes south of Green Bay. Peggy and I sprang out of bed and got ready to go. I took a quick shower. We left home around 2:15 and headed for Green Bay. Peggy commented that the drive seemed very long. Hwy 41 South was dead - no traffic. I kept the car between 65-70 mph so as not to attract any unseen attention. We arrived at the Bernhardt's around 3AM.
There were 2 cars in the driveway and we parked on the road. Peggy said, "I can see kids with backpacks in the house". I believe that she actually was seeing Yuri. We entered the house and one of the first people we saw was Larisa. Mrs. Bernhardt gave Peggy a big hug and then we saw Yuri. He looked smaller than what I expected. It was like seeing someone on television but in person. You think, "you look just like you do on TV". How stupid that sounds, but there he was - looking just like his pictures.
I reached out my hand to shake his and said, "Hello Yuri". He shook my hand and was obviously shy and nervous. Peggy squatted down in front of him to get a good look at him at eye level. She said hello and also shook his hand.
He held his head low while Larisa explained that he was concerned about not being able to speak any English and us not speaking any Russian. She said something to Yuri and he picked up his back pack and headed for the door ahead of us. All together I think we were in the Bernhardt's house a total of 2 or 3 minutes. As I followed Yuri out the door, I noticed Marylin, Mr. Bernhardt and some other adults in the living room. I said "Hello" as I left the house.
As we headed towards the car, we noticed that Yuri had a bad cough. He struggled getting into the car with his back pack. We got him buckled in and headed out. As we got onto the main road, we passed by 5 police cars and a bunch of teens. It appears that they were up to no good at 3AM and the cops put a stop to it. I called to Yuri and pointed to the flashing lights - "Police". Yuri just grunted.
It was then that I really first became self-conscious of how Yuri may perceive what I say, do or act. As a father to my own natural born children, I understand that. But I also know that they understand my sarcasm, humor and personality - they know me. Yuri doesn't.
On the drive home, Yuri was very awake. He didn't say anything and Peggy didn't want to keep looking back and staring at him. It was dark and she couldn't see his face anyway. Finally about 5 minutes from home, he slumped over and fell asleep. We pulled into the drive way and parked. We got out of the car and woke him up. He grabbed his backpack and headed straight for the house ahead of us.
As we walked into the house through the kitchen door, one of the first things he saw was Roy - our golden retriever. Yuri was excited to see him and went right over to pet him. I think was an ice-breaking moment. We quickly showed him around downstairs - the location of the bathroom, the living room. Then Peggy went upstairs and woke up the rest of the kids. As they came down, Yuri hid behind one of the chairs and gave Peggy the "Shhhhhh" sign. He was shy and wanted to hide. We all stood there and looked at him and him at us. We got out our family portrait and introduced ourselves. Then we took him on an extended tour of the house.
Room to room to room he went. Back and forth checking everything out. He seemed especially drawn to Jamie's tool box and cordless drill. About an hour passed and he was still going 100mph. Room to room to room. I had to sleep and so did the kids. Peggy stayed up with him through the night and into the morning. We showed him the cat, and the rat. When he saw the rat in the cage, he pointed to it with a gun shaped hand and made a machine gun sound. We laughed. It seems rats in Russia are for other things besides keeping as pets.
I woke up around 7 or 8 AM. Yuri was outside with the kids. When he saw me watching him from the back deck he said "Good morning" to me in Russian. All through the morning he played and raced around the house. He talks a lot! He looks right at me and talks and talks. At times it is as if he is asking me a question and expects a response. When I don't answer he huffs a little and rolls his eyes.
Around 11 AM I made eggs with ham and toast. He seemed to like it very well. He calls the ham - "kielbasa". Perhaps he considers all processed pork to be the same.
We had to bring our van into the shop for repairs so we took Yuri on a little tour of Oconto Falls. The people at Peterson Ford were extremely friendly and accommodating. They loaded a car onto the lift and let Yuri watch it go up and down. They let him come into the shop and go under the car. I'm not certain he liked that. He pulled Peggy near and whispered something in her ear.
Sometime around mid-day, Mrs. Stingle called to see how things were going. She told Peggy that there were at least 2 other families where the children had not gone to sleep yet. Larissa the translator came on the phone and spoke to Yuri. He took the cordless phone and went out on the deck and laid on his back. He would holler out loud and talked and laughed and smiled. Later when he was done talking, Larissa told Peggy that Yuri said we have a "Super House" and he invited Larissa and Tatiana to come and visit.
Yuri played nearly every game and toy in the house - each for approximately 5 minutes.
He continued his high-energy activity through the afternoon and into the evening. We got him to take a bath. Once we figured out the word for "bath" he said, "neit" and ran upstairs to the bed room. Peggy followed him up there and motioned for him to get down and repeated "bath". "Niet Niet Niet". Peggy called for me to come up. I came up and found him on the top bunk (Jamie's bed) and I said to him, "BATH. NOW". He said, "Ok. Yes" and got down.
Yuri took his bath without incident. He sang in the tub and talked a lot. Finally, we put him to bed around 8 PM Friday night. This was a long day.
