7/27/2008 - Sunday

• 7/27/2008 11:34:43 PMPost Placment Progress Report #1On Saturday, we received our first post placement report from Adoption Choice.  They are from the Milwaukee area and last week, we drove down to their offices to meet them and have them meet Michael.  The report they wrote consisted of 3 pages and outlined Michaels accomplishments since he arrived in America and became part of our family.  We are paying a little more for their services than for Catholic Charities but I think it is worth it.
  
  The report zeroed in on Michael and how he is doing - which I have to say is remarkable.  In 5 months time, he has fully embraced a new language, new culture, new food, and has healed from most of the major physical ailments he suffered from while in the Russian Children's Home.  He runs, he walks, he bends his knees.  Of course there are still struggles - but he has come a very long way.  I told him just the other day, "you are not the same boy we picked up in Russia".  
  
  While it has been 5 months of very hard work, I believe that by this time next year, he will be unstoppable in what ever he tries to do.  This is our next battle ground - getting him to want to try and to stop saying, "I can't".
  

7/14/2008 - Monday

• 7/14/2008 10:00:00 PMSwimming Lessons - Day 1We have enrolled Michael in swimming lessons at the local beach.  We had seen photos of Michael at various water parks while we were at the orphanage so we knew he had some swimming skills and was familiar with water-based activities.  We were unsure how he would react to "real swimming" when faced with the situation of swim or sink.  Based on our previous experience with trying to give him a bath and his manipulative tendencies we suspected the swimming lessons were going to be a problem.
  
  == Some Water History ==
  Shortly after we brought Michael home, we got him introduced him to the routine of taking a regular bath.  In the orphanage, he showered either daily or nearly daily.  We knew he had poor hygiene habits and we often wondered who washed him up during shower time.  Was it Michael or someone else?  We didn't know.  Based on how he washed his body, his face, and his head, we concluded it must have been either someone else or no one.  During a typical bath, he often acted like he was unaware that his head was not wet or that the area of his body from his knees upward had no soap on it.
  
  After we would wash his hair and scalp (or make him do it), we would have him lay down in the tub and put his head back into the water to rinse off.  This often caused him to flip out and panic.  Though the water was only 4 inches deep, if it touched his ears he began to act as if his entire head was under the water.  Usually I would have to push down on his forehead to keep the back of his head in the water.  Then I would say to him, "now rinse your hair."  Michael would begin flailing his arms and hands splashing wildly.  He closed his eyes and mouth tightly as if he were going on a deep sea dive.  Keep in mind, he is in a large bath tub laying in 4 inches of water - not even enough to cover any part of his body.  I realize that some people choke and die on as little as a table spoon of water but there is no danger of him drowning here.  After all the splashing was done, his hair was still very very soapy and he was out of breath.  This is typical Michael behavior - exaggeration and infantile.
  
  == Prep Talk ==
  This morning at breakfast, we began to talk about today's swimming lessons.  "I can hold my breath for very many minutes", Michael said.  Thinking back to all of the previous bath tub incidents I said, "I doubt that".  I told Michael that at the beach there would be a shallow side and a deep side.  There is a dock that divides the 2 areas.  The shallow side is about 18 inches deep and the deep side is about 4 feet deep.  The deep side is divided from the diving area by a rope and buoy.  On the other side of the rope it is more than 10 feet deep and he would not be going there.  Since he is tall enough to stand in the 4 foot area, that is where he would be having his lessons.
  
  == The Lesson ==
  Peggy brought Michael and the other kids to the beach for the lessons and what follows is my rendition of her account.  Peggy had a feeling that Michael was going to behave poorly during lesson time.  He had a male instructor all to himself because another other kid who was enrolled for the level 2 lesson did not show up.  The instructor told Michael to get into the 4 foot area.  Michael went in and came right back out and spent the entire rest of the lesson in the toddlers 18 inch area.  Apparently Michael told the instructor that he was afraid.  The instructor had him doing things like holding his breath and putting his face into the water.  Michael had a kick board that he would lay on and move around the shallow water.  His own body weight was enough to bring the kick board so close to the sand that Michael was practically crawling on his belly.  Not really swimming and not really crawling.  He seems to like to play the role of toddler and get the attention that a toddler receives.  "Momma, Momma look at me", he would call out.  Peggy said it was very frustrating to watch.  Michael is capable of so much more but always chooses to do less.
  
  == Why ==
  After the lesson was over, Peggy brought Michael back out on the dock to the 4 foot area and made him go in.  He went in and immediately came back out.  Peggy asked, "what are you doing?".  Followed by, "Get back in there".  She made him stand in the water until he could see and think rationally about how tall he was and how deep the water was.  His head and shoulders were easily out of the water.  He could splash around and stand up if he got in trouble.  She made him bob up and down and try to lay back and kick his feet - very basic stuff.  Life guards were all over the place and Mom was standing right there so again - there was very little risk.  Later she asked him the same series of questions we always ask him beginning with, "why did you behave like that?"
  
  "I was afraid", Michael answered.  Peggy reminded Michael of how he has been progressing during bath time.  She reminded him of all the orphanage photos showing him at various water parks in Russia.  She asked him if he was afraid then.  He said, "no".  Then she asked, "why were you not afraid of water in Russia, but you are afraid here?"
  
  "I think I was tired", Michael responded.  Notice the significant change in his answer.  It is also important to understand that the origin of this answer comes from Michael's strict 8:00 PM bed time.  We have found that if Michael does not get to bed by 8:00 PM, his attitude and behavior go down hill quickly.  His eyes get Very red, he has a sassy mouth, starts whining, and does not do what he is told.  This is normal behavior when he is over tired.  Michael's answer of, "I think I was tired" is a cop-out.  He behaves that way because he is choosing to do so.  The question is, "why does he choose to behave that way?"  Is he fulfilling some kind of basic emotional need?  Does he believe there is some kind advantage for him?  Is this typical orphan behavior or just Michael behavior?  We are certain that the answers to these questions are at the root of his bizarre behavior.
  
  Peggy spoke with the life guard/instructor and advised him of the situation.  She told him that Michael needs to be pushed if you want to see results.  If left to his own desires, he would avoid other children his own age and monopolize the time and attention of adults who think he is adorable.
  
  == Back to the Beach ==
  I came home from work and Peggy asked if we could go back to the beach.  She wanted Michael to get back in the water so that he can get command of his "fear" or whatever his causing him to regress to a toddler while in the water.  In the car, I told him, "I want you to know ahead of time that you will be going under the water - so get yourself ready".  Michael's eyes got very big.  I had a list of other things I needed to get done when I got home and going to the beach was not on my list.
  
  When we arrived, Ellie and James ran to the dock and jumped in.  Michael took his time taking his sandals and shirt off.  He did his typical "I can hardly walk" routine all the way to the dock.  We got to the edge and he began to climb in.  One foot in, then the foot came back out.  Then in.  Then out.  Peggy told him to jump in.  I understand that water is often a little cold when you first go in and no one likes the shock you get from the rapid temperature change.  If you ease yourself into the water, and your afraid, this could take 10 or 15 minutes.  I don't have that kind of time or patience at the moment.
  
  Michael stood on the edge, "one,... two,... Just a minute.   One,... two,...  ...  Just a minute."
  
  "GET IN THERE!", I exclaimed.
  
  S P L A S H!!  In he went.
  
  He jumped into 4 feet of water and did somehow not get his head wet.  He must have kept his legs stiff and straight right to the bottom.
  
  I said to him, "I want you to hold your breath and go under".
  
  "Ok ok ok", Michael said followed by, "one,... two,... ...  one,... two,..."
  
  "Now please.", I responded in an irritated tone.
  
  Rather than pinching his nose closed, Michael cups his hand over his nose and mouth.  He went down and came back up in about .25 seconds.  The top of his head was still very dry and a lot of water came out from behind his hand.  If I didn't know better, I'd say that he had taken in a mouth full of water.
  
  "What are you doing?", I asked rhetorically.
  
  I climbed in and went over to him.  We covered the basics of how to properly pinch your nose, hold your breath, and how to wipe the water away from your face after you come up.  That last part is another interesting story.  He doesn't wipe the water away from his eyes, he uses the entire palm of his hand to grind the river water into his eyes.  It's as if he is trying to scrub the water off.
  
  I held him and we practiced blowing the water out of your nose and mouth while under the water.  I had him lay back in my arms and try to relax.  We walked around and felt for rocks under our feet.  When we found one, Michael would hold his breath and go down and get it.  
  
  All in all, I think we were there for 30 minutes.  Michael has little to no fat on his body and he got cold quickly.  We got out, dried off and headed for home.  Tomorrow is day 2 and I hope he does better.

7/13/2008 - Sunday

• 7/13/2008 8:57:41 PMQuestions"Can I have some questions?", Michael would ask.  It's his funny way of wording, "can I ask you a question?" but it is classic Michael.  He is a boy who would like nothing more than a continuous open dialog with anyone and everyone.  When he says this, I often respond, "sure.  Take as many as you like."
  
  Often times, he is so demanding for attention that he will butt himself into a conversation between other people and begin to ask or tell about something that is totally unrelated to the active conversation.  The other day, Peggy and I were talking about how we were going to remodel the bathroom.  It was a lengthy discussion because there are many details to work out.  She and I do all of the work together and Michael is not involved in either the planning or execution, even though he desperately would like to be.  I think it is mostly because there are power tools involved.  As Peggy and I are talking to each other, Michael butts himself in, "Mom - do you remember when I fell off my bike?"
  
  The questions and statements vary but the demand is always the same - "Stop doing what your doing and give me your attention."  I'm not sure at this point that I can say this is typical orphan behavior because I've seen this in non-orphans before as well.  Aboard the train when leaving Cheboksary, Michael would look out the window, point to something and say, "Look at me!  Look at me!".  At the time, I thought he was just confusing his words and perhaps he meant, "Look at what I'm pointing to".  Maybe at the time that IS what he meant, but the phrase "Look At Me" has become symbolic of Michael's typical behavior.  He is a boy who was not starved of attention, but rather could not get enough of it.
  
  Just yesterday we told him to go outside and play or ride his bike - anything.  Just go and be occupied!  Play with the other kids - whatever.  Just don't hover over mom and dad waiting for them to pat you on the head like a puppy or a kitten - that is more typical Michael behavior.  He likes to follow mom and dad (especially mom) around the house and keep visual contact all of the time.
  
  
  Michael went outside and stood in the yard for a momment, then he came back in.  "I'm going to be riding my bike in the driveway, in case you have any questions", he said.  I thought to myself, "Thanks for the update.  I'll make a mental note of it".  I pointed to the door and said, "Go Play!".

7/6/2008 - Sunday

• 7/6/2008 5:25:24 PMThe power of suggestionLast month I wrote about a breakthrough we had with Michael.  He has a bad habbit of telling himself that he can't do things such as walking, running, standing up straight, and eating brocolli.  About two weeks ago, we were having a good morning.  Michael got up early and ran outside to do his morning chores.  They are not hard tasks.  For example, one of them is to go and collect eggs from the chickens.  Michael must navigate across a distance of 75 feet to the barn to collect them.  He ran all the way there and back without breaking any eggs.  He was clearly having a pleasant morning.
  
  Peggy announced that they were going to head into Green Bay to run some errands - one of which was a visit to the pediatric rhumatologist.  She didn't tell Michael where they were going, only that it was in Green Bay.  For Michael, a trip into the city generally means going to Wal-Mart and some other stores.  He was very excited about going and kept asking where specifically they would go to.  Peggy refused to tell.
  
  As they got close to Green Bay, Peggy reminded Michael of how he behaves when he "thinks" he is sick or when he knows people are watching him.  She reminded him of how he ran to the barn to get eggs and ran on his toes the other day.  Michael nodded in agreement.
  
  No sooner had they arrived when Michael began to complain about excessive pain in his knees.  He began to rub them like and old man does.  He moaned and sighed.  Peggy got out of the van and opened the side door.  Michael took forever to get out and walked with a limp all the way to the clinic.  Just by the power of suggesting a doctor visit, Michael immediately went into his "sick act".
  
  We went into the clinic and saw the doctor.  He said Michael's feet and ankles look great and if he didn't already know what to look for, he would declare them as fully healed and normal.  That was great news!  Then the doctor wanted to see a sample of Michael walking.  We are always working with Michael on proper form.  Whether it is keeping his feet straight or knees bent, we are trying to stress good habbits.  This past week, we have been working on keeping his back straight.  He likes to walk with his head hung low and back arched like the hunch back of Notre Dame.  He walks much better when he is fully upright.
  
  I brought my digital camera to the doctor's office so I could film him.  As we went into the hall, I reminded Michael to stand up straight when he walked.  Rather than doing what I said, he bent over, stuck his butt way out, arched his back, pulled his shoulders back and threw his head back.  Then he walked stiff legged.  The doctor said, "it looks like he is still having some pain when he walks".  I could neither believe nor understand what I just saw.  I said to Michael, "what are you doing?  Why are you walking like that?"  Michael completely pulled one over on the doctor and had him convinced that he was still very sick.
  
  We had to explain that Michael had run just this morning and had no issues and he should not take Michael's act in the hall as a representative sample of his condition.  To make a long story short, I have dozens of examples of such behavior and it is very frustrating to deal with.
  
  This past week, Peggy and I were in the kitchen talking about my upcoming birthday party.  Michael was evesdropping as he normally does.  I changed the tone of my voice and began to talk more quietly.  I made up a bogus story about Michael going to the doctor and having an operation and how much pain there would be afterwards.   Peggy played along and added her own fake comments about what would be involved in the surgery.  Sure enough, Michael's curiosity got the best of him.  He couldn't hear clearly enough to he got up off his chair and dragged himself into the kitchen supposedly to "get a drink of water".  He walked stiff legged and dragged his feet in "obvious unbareable pain".
  
  Then I dropped the bomb and told him that there was no doctor visit, no surgery, no additional medicine and that it was all just a story we made up.  His eyes got big and he opened his mouth wide with a huff of disgust at what my wife and I had done to him.  Peggy told him, "that is what you get for evesdropping".  We reminded him that the most powerful part of his body was his mind and if his mind told him that he was sick, he would act sick.  Then we asked him, what if your mind told you that you were strong?

7/1/2008 - Tuesday

• 7/1/2008 10:00:00 PMFirst Post Placement ReportWe scheduled an appointment with a new social worker to do our first post placment report.  The Russian Federation requires that four post placement reports are submitted over the course of three years at the following intervals:
  - 6 months
  - 1 year
  - 2 year
  - 3 year
  
  Originally we did our homestudy with a local organization (Catholic Charities) but during the adoption process we encountered some descrepencies between what they said and what they required of us in regards to the post placement reporting.  Specifically, we were told by the Green Bay diocese that it is a requirement of the state of Wisconsin that we maintain all of the requirements of having a foster care license for the duration of the reporting time even though we don't actually have a foster care license.
  
  - This is a false statement
  
  Additionally, we were told that it is the policy of Catholic Charities to require quarterly home visits and monthly phone interviews.  The compilation of this information would make up the body of the individual reports.
  
  - This is also a false statement.  
  
  I called Catholic Charities in Milwaukee and confirmed what their requirements are and clearly, the information we received from Green Bay is unique to Green Bay or more specifically, to the people working in the Green Bay office.
  
  For now, we have hired a different organization out of Milwaukee called Adoption Choice to do the reporting.  It will cost a little more than our original home study agency but the reduction in headache pain from sifting through layers of bogus information will be worth it.