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6/1/2009 - Monday
  • 6/1/2009 10:00:00 PMOpportunitiesRecently we encountered a couple that was considering adoption.  Like us, they already have natural born children of their own.  As I listened to them try and verbalize all of the nuances of adoption - or at least the ones they knew about - I began to reflect on how far we've come and what we have learned in the last 17 months.

    Some of their concerns surrounded the difficulty of the home study and others about the cost.  When I mentioned that that the home study was by far not the most difficult part, they seemed unfazed.  Almost as if I hadn't spoken.  I also mentioned that the adoption of Michael came in at around $50,000 and some of the children adopted shortly after him were closer to $70,000.  I'm not sure that fully registered either.

    In truth, it is my belief that a prospective parent cannot fully understand or even begin to contemplate the cost of adoption unless they have done it.  I am not just simply speaking of the monetary cost, but the emotional, physical, psychological draining that follows.  

    There are some people I know who were firmly opposed to our adoption of Michael from the start who would be quick to say, "I told you so" - but this comes from an ignorant, unknowing, and uneducated perspective.  I don't mean this in a derogatory way, but there is simply no way of knowing the feeling of giving all of yourself towards something if you have never done it.

    For example, the Apostle Paul gave all of himself toward the ministry.  He was whipped, beaten, flogged, stoned, and nearly drowned - all several times.  I can say that I understand what Paul gave of himself from a theoretical point of view, but if I have not "walked in his sandals" I will never truly know what it cost him.

    Additionally, right now there are American soldiers in the middle east who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their country and have left behind grieved and hurting families. Again, while I appreciate the sacrifice that was made and understand the meaning of their loss - I cannot fully relate to it.

    One thing I can say for certain, we have learned a great deal about both Michael and ourselves and had we not adopted, we would not have learned it.  As for me specifically, I have an understanding of human compassion that I have never had before.  I can image Jesus hanging on the cross and asking God to forgive the very people that put Him there.  While I certainly don't fully relate to being crucified, I can relate to having compassion on someone who does not understand their own pain, nor the pain they inflict on others.  Jesus said, "forgive them Father because they don't know what they're doing".

    This is my Michael - a boy who doesn't know what he is doing.  Everything he has been taught about life and love is all wrong.  It is not his fault, and at this stage there is no value in assigning blame for the condition of his mind.  Each day with him is a challenge to get through.  Every thought conceived and every word spoken is an opportunity to undo the damage and forge new and correct neurological thought patterns.

    We did not plan on being psychologists or counselors when this adventure began.  But this is what we are now.  We didn't fully understand the role we would play in deprogramming and reprogramming someone's mind.  There is no way we could have.  All I can say is that - I knew more than I did yesterday and the value of that information is not measurable.