• 3/30/2007 8:22:08 AMDay 8 - Friday - Grandma's VisitI dreamed of being on a hiking trip with James last night.  We were somewhere out west in the "Big Country".  It was late in the evening so we set up our camp and I began to fix dinner.  On the menu - steak!  I guess I was still being affected by watching the movie Water World.  In the movie, Kevin Costner uses himself as bait to catch this very large fish.  The next scene shows him grilling a large blob of meat.  It is so large that he just grabs the meat with his hands to flip it.  That - combined with the grilled sirloin we had last night got my mind going.  In the dream, I was cooking on a large grill.  Each piece of meat I handled was larger than the one before.  By the time I really got going, the pieces of meat were the size of a large turkey.  Without noticing, hundreds of other men were now all gathered at our camp site and I was cooking for all of them.

    I woke up at 6:00 today.  Grandma was sound asleep camped out on the sleeper-sofa.  As I was finishing up in the shower, Yuri started knocking on the door to use the bath room.  I skipped combing my hair and came out.  He was in there for a long time.  It probably had something to do with all the steak he ate last night.  Yuri went right to the cereal cabinet and said, "popcorn" and pointed to a box of Banana Nut Crunch.  I said, "no" and brought down the container of oats.  He looked into it but had no reaction.

    I told Grandma that we normally eat oatmeal, cream of wheat, malt-o-meal, cereal or eggs and asked what she wanted.  She was fine with oatmeal so I cooked a large kettle of it.  I didn't know what happened with yesterday's oatmeal.  I had poured out 4 bowls of it and then left.  From what Megan told me, Yuri didn't like it very much and only ate 2 or 3 spoonfuls because Peggy made him.

    Since there was so much oatmeal, it took a little while to get the water boiling.  I brought the bible into the dining room for Megan and I to read.  As we read, Grandma was moving around getting herself dressed.  I read from the devotional and Megan read from Ephesians 5:6-17.  While she was reading the last verse, I saw Grandma look over at her with and expression of, "What in the WORLD are you reading!?"  Here is the passage:

    (Ephesians 5:16-17) "Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

    This, in a nut-shell is what I have been wrestling with for the last week.  Trying to be wise, understanding what the Lord's will for my life is and doing what is expected of me.

    When Peggy came down, she noticed what we were eating and said that Yuri didn't like oatmeal.  She went to the cabinet and poured him a bowl of Banana Nut Crunch.  She mentioned that she learned her lesson about Yuri and sugar again.  She said that didn't think the 3 small cookies she gave him after dinner would have affected him so much.  Yuri and sugar do not play nice together.

    Peggy will be bringing Megan to Soccer practice in DePere today.  I told her that shingles are on sale at Menards and perhaps she could go and pick out a color for the porch roof.  Then she could swing by the office and everyone could meet Yuri.

    Grandma and I got into the car and headed for Green Bay.  We had some light conversation until she said, "getting back to our discussion from yesterday...".  Then she continued by saying things like, "You just don't know.  You just don't know how this will affect your family.  Things are going to be different and you just don't know how much or in what way".  I said that I agreed with her on that general general statement.  Then she continued with a little more specific but still definitely negative consequences.  

    Last year she had a new knee put in so I told her the following analogy:
    You go to the doctor to have your new knee and he says to you, "we're going to replace your knee and you're going to experience some issues with it but in the end it will be good".  On the other hand, the doctor might have said, "we're going to replace your knee and it is going to hurt like hell.  You will be sick from the anesthesia and your bones will ache for months.  You will have trouble walking and at times you will consider cutting off your own leg to reduce the pain.  You'll invent new swear words and curse my name day and night.  But in the end, it will be good".  I said, "in either case, you will have the same experience.  The only difference is knowing about it before hand.  Which do you prefer?"

    Then I told her, "we could spend the rest of the ride home talking about all the negative aspects of this and play endless worst-case scenario's.  If we do that too much, we run the risk of becoming negative ourselves".  Then she said, "Yea.  There are positives too."  Then the conversation about Yuri ended.  The rest of the ride was quiet.  I dropped her off at her apartment and headed to work.

    Peggy had errands to run in Green Bay today.  She stopped by the office so that my coworkers could meet Yuri.  He was extremely shy to everyone he was introduced to but he seemed to enjoy the office environment though.  After a short visit, Peggy took Yuri and the kids to get him a new pair of shoes from Wal-Mart.

    I got home at the usual time and noticed that Lori and Melissa were here.  Melissa had done a Pampered Chef party and was dropping off some things for Peggy and Emily and now they were just visiting.  I could guess the topic of the conversation even before I sat down - Yuri.  It was not long before Lori looked at me and said, "so, when are you going to decide?".  That question stung a little although I don't believe she meant it that way.  She was aware of a previous conversation I had with Peggy and Emily where I said I would not be deciding anything until after Yuri left.  I gave her a little of the evil eye look for asking.

    I said, "There are some things you just don't do.  You don't go grocery shopping when your hungry.  You don't bring kids into the checkout aisle that has candy at their eye level.  If you're shopping in the mall with kids, you don't go and visit the pet store."  Lori interrupted, "because you might come home with something!"  I said, "that's right!"  I continued, "and you definitely don't make a decision of this caliber under a lot of emotional stress and pressure".  Lori agreed and said, "definitely not.  This is a big decision."

    Lori went on to tell of a time when their family hosted some female high school Russian basket ball players.  They had some quirky behaviors, one of which was not ever taking a shower or bath the entire time they stayed at their house - 1 week.

    By this time, Yuri had noticed that I was home.  I said to him, "where are your new shoes?"  Yuri ran and put them on and came back to show me.  They were grey/brown with bright orange stripes.  "I think he likes orange", Peggy said.  Peggy said he was very sassy again at Megan's soccer practice today.  James said Yuri had tried to fight with him when it was time to go too.  I don't think it was a sugar related thing this time, although I do know that he polished off a can of Pringles.  While they are not known as a "sugar" food, they are definitely a carbohydrate and not "good" for you.  I can't say for certain, "it must have been the Pringles", but it is clear that Yuri is somewhere between "excitable" and "hyper" and that sugar only compounds this.

    Peggy had made macaroni and cheese for supper.  It was not filling.  I had a large bowl of that and then was in the fridge looking for more.  Yuri was also not full.  He is an eating machine.  So today he had cereal, pringles, mac & cheese and now we were going to have some bagel sandwiches.  As I'm typing this it is occurring to me how much grain, starch & carbs that is.  If he stayed with us and continued to eat like this, he would not only be hyper but fat as well.

    Later in the evening, we watched The Incredibles.  I like this movie.  After it was done, Yuri, James and I had a wrestling match with our dirty socks.  The rules were simple - take a dirty sock (from your foot or someone else's) and shove it into someone's face.  I sat on the couch while James and Yuri climbed on me.  Yuri tried to get himself on top of my shoulders - very dangerous position to be in.  I could hear him hollering in my mind as I imagined him falling and hitting his head on something.

    While he was up there and during the horse play, Yuri began to punch and slug me.  I have played rough with him previously - tickling, chasing, wrestling... and he always resorts to this punching behavior.  If he were 50 pounds larger, he could be intimidating.

    Later in the evening, Peggy and I began to talk about adopting.  I didn't want to participate in this discussion because I felt it would end up leading us into making a premature decision so I mostly kept quiet.  Peggy reviewed her notes from the price sheet and we confirmed $37,000+ for the "known" costs.  I told her that I had previously just taken her word for the costs but earlier in the week I also reviewed the cost sheet and plugged it into Excel.  I didn't tell her that I had also been playing with loan amounts too and the monthly payments for such a loan were high.

    She said, "I can't think of it as money.  If I do, then I begin to think it's impossible."

    I said, "it is money.  These are real costs."

    She continued, "I get the feeling like God wants to make this totally out of our reach so that when it happens, we'll know that it was Him doing it and not us."

    I said, "I think I know what you mean.  When I think of the high cost, I feel like if I focus on that I have no faith."
    I reminded her of the condition of Lydia Blohoiak who has a brain tumor.  We prayed for her in an emergency congregational prayer meeting and one lady said after the meeting, "I know God has healed her.  I mean, how could he not hear the prayers of all these other precious little children?"  She was referring to the prayers of all the children of the church families who had offered some very heart felt and sincere prayers on Lydia's behalf.  I said to Peggy, "she still has the brain tumor.  Sometimes God says 'no' and I'm not willing to go head first into this much debt and then ask God to bail me out.  Do you realize this will put us into debt farther than we have ever been?"

    She said, "I know."