- 3/29/2007 6:29:12 PMDay 7 - Thursday - Grandma and the drive homeI had called my mom the night before and told her that Yuri was here now and that if she wanted to see him before he goes back to Russia, she needed to make plans to visit soon. She called me at work and made arrangements that I would pick her up on my way home. She could then sleep over and I could bring her home in the morning on my way in.
On the ride home, we began to talk about adopting Yuri. I told her the estimated cost and she said, "that's a lot of money'". I agreed. "Have you thought about what this would do to your family? How it would affect your children?" she asked. Of course I have thought about it and I continue do to so. It has been weighing heavily on my mind for the last week. But of course she wouldn't know about how I have wrestled with this and I didn't tell her either.
I told her that I was very interested in doing what was expected of me. What God expects of me, my wife, her, my children... If I know this, then I will be able to know when I fail. I said, "back in the day, children took care of their parents when they got old. Today however, we ship our elderly to the nursing home. I'm interested in doing the right thing. I have certain obligations to you as a son. One of which is to take care of you."
She more or less disagreed with me about having expectations and obligations and trying to live up to them. I think she thought I was putting unrealistic pressures on myself. She said, "God will forgive you for your mistakes." "This may be so", I said. "But that doesn't mean he is not disappointed or unhappy with the decisions I make".
I believe that God's expectations of me are unique to me. He challenges me with what I am able to handle - which is usually beyond what I think I can handle. This is how He stretches me and causes me to grow in spirit and in faith. After a lengthy discussion, she confessed that she was playing devil's advocate - which I appreciated.
"I remember a young man who had a little baby and used to call his mom crying on the phone", she said. I think she was implying that I need to be careful about what responsibilities I take on. While I don't specifically remember crying to her on the phone, I do remember calling her 18 years ago my oldest daughter was just a baby. I said, "I am not the same man I was then".
