- 7/14/2008 10:00:00 PMSwimming Lessons - Day 1We have enrolled Michael in swimming lessons at the local beach. We had seen photos of Michael at various water parks while we were at the orphanage so we knew he had some swimming skills and was familiar with water-based activities. We were unsure how he would react to "real swimming" when faced with the situation of swim or sink. Based on our previous experience with trying to give him a bath and his manipulative tendencies we suspected the swimming lessons were going to be a problem.
== Some Water History ==
Shortly after we brought Michael home, we got him introduced him to the routine of taking a regular bath. In the orphanage, he showered either daily or nearly daily. We knew he had poor hygiene habits and we often wondered who washed him up during shower time. Was it Michael or someone else? We didn't know. Based on how he washed his body, his face, and his head, we concluded it must have been either someone else or no one. During a typical bath, he often acted like he was unaware that his head was not wet or that the area of his body from his knees upward had no soap on it.
After we would wash his hair and scalp (or make him do it), we would have him lay down in the tub and put his head back into the water to rinse off. This often caused him to flip out and panic. Though the water was only 4 inches deep, if it touched his ears he began to act as if his entire head was under the water. Usually I would have to push down on his forehead to keep the back of his head in the water. Then I would say to him, "now rinse your hair." Michael would begin flailing his arms and hands splashing wildly. He closed his eyes and mouth tightly as if he were going on a deep sea dive. Keep in mind, he is in a large bath tub laying in 4 inches of water - not even enough to cover any part of his body. I realize that some people choke and die on as little as a table spoon of water but there is no danger of him drowning here. After all the splashing was done, his hair was still very very soapy and he was out of breath. This is typical Michael behavior - exaggeration and infantile.
== Prep Talk ==
This morning at breakfast, we began to talk about today's swimming lessons. "I can hold my breath for very many minutes", Michael said. Thinking back to all of the previous bath tub incidents I said, "I doubt that". I told Michael that at the beach there would be a shallow side and a deep side. There is a dock that divides the 2 areas. The shallow side is about 18 inches deep and the deep side is about 4 feet deep. The deep side is divided from the diving area by a rope and buoy. On the other side of the rope it is more than 10 feet deep and he would not be going there. Since he is tall enough to stand in the 4 foot area, that is where he would be having his lessons.
== The Lesson ==
Peggy brought Michael and the other kids to the beach for the lessons and what follows is my rendition of her account. Peggy had a feeling that Michael was going to behave poorly during lesson time. He had a male instructor all to himself because another other kid who was enrolled for the level 2 lesson did not show up. The instructor told Michael to get into the 4 foot area. Michael went in and came right back out and spent the entire rest of the lesson in the toddlers 18 inch area. Apparently Michael told the instructor that he was afraid. The instructor had him doing things like holding his breath and putting his face into the water. Michael had a kick board that he would lay on and move around the shallow water. His own body weight was enough to bring the kick board so close to the sand that Michael was practically crawling on his belly. Not really swimming and not really crawling. He seems to like to play the role of toddler and get the attention that a toddler receives. "Momma, Momma look at me", he would call out. Peggy said it was very frustrating to watch. Michael is capable of so much more but always chooses to do less.
== Why ==
After the lesson was over, Peggy brought Michael back out on the dock to the 4 foot area and made him go in. He went in and immediately came back out. Peggy asked, "what are you doing?". Followed by, "Get back in there". She made him stand in the water until he could see and think rationally about how tall he was and how deep the water was. His head and shoulders were easily out of the water. He could splash around and stand up if he got in trouble. She made him bob up and down and try to lay back and kick his feet - very basic stuff. Life guards were all over the place and Mom was standing right there so again - there was very little risk. Later she asked him the same series of questions we always ask him beginning with, "why did you behave like that?"
"I was afraid", Michael answered. Peggy reminded Michael of how he has been progressing during bath time. She reminded him of all the orphanage photos showing him at various water parks in Russia. She asked him if he was afraid then. He said, "no". Then she asked, "why were you not afraid of water in Russia, but you are afraid here?"
"I think I was tired", Michael responded. Notice the significant change in his answer. It is also important to understand that the origin of this answer comes from Michael's strict 8:00 PM bed time. We have found that if Michael does not get to bed by 8:00 PM, his attitude and behavior go down hill quickly. His eyes get Very red, he has a sassy mouth, starts whining, and does not do what he is told. This is normal behavior when he is over tired. Michael's answer of, "I think I was tired" is a cop-out. He behaves that way because he is choosing to do so. The question is, "why does he choose to behave that way?" Is he fulfilling some kind of basic emotional need? Does he believe there is some kind advantage for him? Is this typical orphan behavior or just Michael behavior? We are certain that the answers to these questions are at the root of his bizarre behavior.
Peggy spoke with the life guard/instructor and advised him of the situation. She told him that Michael needs to be pushed if you want to see results. If left to his own desires, he would avoid other children his own age and monopolize the time and attention of adults who think he is adorable.
== Back to the Beach ==
I came home from work and Peggy asked if we could go back to the beach. She wanted Michael to get back in the water so that he can get command of his "fear" or whatever his causing him to regress to a toddler while in the water. In the car, I told him, "I want you to know ahead of time that you will be going under the water - so get yourself ready". Michael's eyes got very big. I had a list of other things I needed to get done when I got home and going to the beach was not on my list.
When we arrived, Ellie and James ran to the dock and jumped in. Michael took his time taking his sandals and shirt off. He did his typical "I can hardly walk" routine all the way to the dock. We got to the edge and he began to climb in. One foot in, then the foot came back out. Then in. Then out. Peggy told him to jump in. I understand that water is often a little cold when you first go in and no one likes the shock you get from the rapid temperature change. If you ease yourself into the water, and your afraid, this could take 10 or 15 minutes. I don't have that kind of time or patience at the moment.
Michael stood on the edge, "one,... two,... Just a minute. One,... two,... ... Just a minute."
"GET IN THERE!", I exclaimed.
S P L A S H!! In he went.
He jumped into 4 feet of water and did somehow not get his head wet. He must have kept his legs stiff and straight right to the bottom.
I said to him, "I want you to hold your breath and go under".
"Ok ok ok", Michael said followed by, "one,... two,... ... one,... two,..."
"Now please.", I responded in an irritated tone.
Rather than pinching his nose closed, Michael cups his hand over his nose and mouth. He went down and came back up in about .25 seconds. The top of his head was still very dry and a lot of water came out from behind his hand. If I didn't know better, I'd say that he had taken in a mouth full of water.
"What are you doing?", I asked rhetorically.
I climbed in and went over to him. We covered the basics of how to properly pinch your nose, hold your breath, and how to wipe the water away from your face after you come up. That last part is another interesting story. He doesn't wipe the water away from his eyes, he uses the entire palm of his hand to grind the river water into his eyes. It's as if he is trying to scrub the water off.
I held him and we practiced blowing the water out of your nose and mouth while under the water. I had him lay back in my arms and try to relax. We walked around and felt for rocks under our feet. When we found one, Michael would hold his breath and go down and get it.
All in all, I think we were there for 30 minutes. Michael has little to no fat on his body and he got cold quickly. We got out, dried off and headed for home. Tomorrow is day 2 and I hope he does better.
