- 8/3/2008 11:12:37 PMHard Fought VictoriesHere are some of the things Michael has conquored or is still working on. Each of these items represent a battle for control. In the cases where we "won" the battle, Michael was actually the winner.
Victories (or near victory)
- Brushing his teeth (and consistently doing a good job at it)
- Eating brocolli and other green vegetables (without gaging)
- Eating cheese
- Drinking milk
- Bending his knees
- Walking and the willingness to walk
- Running and the willingness to run
- Getting up on his toes
- Standing up straight (rather than hunched over like a gorilla)
- Sitting up straight
- Streaching his leg muscles
- Riding a bicycle
- Swimming
- Speaking English
- English Alphabet
- Counting to 100 and beyond
Works In Progress:
- Taking a bath and cleaning his body
- Wiping his butt thoroughly
- Washing his hands after using the bathroom
- Walking upright (back straight, head and eyes forward - not at the ground)
- Squatting with knees bent and butt all the way down
- Kneeling on the floor
- Getting up and down to and from the floor
- Streaching and flexing his leg muscles
- Going up and down the stairs without swinging his butt from side to side
- Going up and down the stairs without turning his feet sideways on each step
- Going up the stairs on his toes
- Going down the stairs by slowly lowering himself to the next step
(rather than locking his knee and crashing down on the next step with a stiff legg)
- Moving around without having his hands and arms spaz out uncontrollably or make motions as if he has no idea what his limbs are doing.
- Remembering the last thing that was said to him
- Following directions
- Staring at people and lurking
- Lying and telling stories laced with untruth
- Manipulation of other people (including us)
Most of Michael's major issues seem to surround his health, personal hygene and his general unwillingness to make any significant changes to correct the issues he has with his legs and knees. It is hard to address his other behaviorial problems because the care of his body and staying on him to be mindful of good habbits is so time consuming.
At this point, it is difficult to get a clear picture of the person that Michael actually is. He so often puts on a facade and tries to do or say what he thinks you want to see or hear. He often attempts to alter people's perceptions of him in a positive way or to his advantage. One of the ways that Michael will answer you when you address him or ask him a question is, "If I say 'blah blah blah', then you will say..." This would seem to imply that he has considered the possible responses to his answer and he is trying to choose one that is preferred. There is a word for that behavior: "calculating".
On a positive note, he has shown a good willingness to help out with work around the house and has taken to doing his house hold chores without making much of an issue of the work. For example, he is responsible for providing food and water to the rabbit, collecting eggs, brushing the dog, emptying half of the dishwasher.
There are obviously some chores he likes better than others, but he has not complained about doing the work - although he frequently makes excuses as to why he didn't do them. I believe that in most cases, when he has not done his daily work he has simply forgotten. Rather than just saying that, he often likes to bring up Ellie's name or some other mysterious force that prevented him from doing what he was supposed to. I tell him, "If you forgot, then just say 'I forgot' and then go and do your chores". This comment is usually met with a blank stare and I usually have to go and tell him, "now go and do your chores".
In my frustration, I have done more research on orphan and adopted child behavior. It would seem that much of what we've seen in Michael so far is not "unusual" although it is new for us. In speaking with other friends who have adopted internationally, many relayed stories of the very same things that we have seen. They are tales of distrubing and/or irrating behavior that gets addressed repeatedly - day after day and doesn't seem to come to conclusion.
In short, there seems to be a big disconnect in Michael's mind between cause and affect. He continues with a particualr behavior and cannot make the mental link to the consequences of that behavior. I'm not sure if I am encouraged or discouraged by this. At the beginning of Michael's stay with us, I believed that most of his behaviors were simply training related issues. Once he adjusts to a routine, appropriate behavior will follow. As the months have passed and we were still wrestling with the same issues, I began leaning towards Michael's behavior as a puzzle to be solved. This means I am using reason and logic to get to the bottom of his special quirks. His behavior still does not make sense to me.
Is this behavior:
- a result of "Minor brain disfunction"
- Michael personality specific
- Orphan specific
- Adopted child specific
- Russian culture specific
The more I know, the more it seems that there is no easy "answer" or "solution" to be found. Only something that we must learn to live with and handle appropriately. Perhaps Michael is more like Shrek - an onion with many layers to be pealed back slowly and carefully. I had been told that adoption is not for the faint of heart. Nothing could be more true.
Lord - give us the strength and wisdom to be the parents he needs.
