- 1/31/2009 3:22:41 PMStrange GamesMichael likes to play some very strange mind games. The rules of the games seem to go as follows:
- Find out what gets attention
- Do it
Here is an example:
Since our visit to Jane the social worker to get our one year post-placement report, certain problems that didn't exist previously seem to have emerged. During the meeting, one particular compliment of Michael came out. Although he is behind in his schooling (which is normal for adopted children, especially from foreign countries), he learns quickly and his schooling has not been an issue or a source of frustration. In the meeting, we commented to the social worker that Michael was a good student. He has other behavioral issues, but his behavior during school was not a problem because he seems to learn very quickly. This is key. Michael heard this compliment and altered his behavior accordingly.
Within a week or so of the appointment, Michael began to play dumb on various aspects of his schooling. One such example would be the pronunciation of the word "cat". Cat rhymes with "bat", "sat" and a number of other words. As Peggy would ask Michael about the sound that the letter "a" was making, he would always make the wrong sound. He would make the "u" sound as in "cut" or "cup". As they went through the various possible sounds that "a" can make, Michael would never make the sound that exists in "cat", "bat", "sat"... You would think it is almost as if he could not "hear" the sound, yet seemingly he could speak it - correctly and recognize when it is spoken to him.
Perhaps you're thinking, he's just a young boy and like all 3rd graders - language can sometimes be hard. That is until he tells you that he is purposefully trying to make you think that he is stupid because one or more of the following motivations is true:
- he wants to make you angry
- he wants you to feel sympathetic about him
- he wants the lesson to last longer so he can be with you
Again we ask the eternal question, "why?" Whenever Michael pulls out this kind of game and begins to play, it never works out for him. Whether it is listening in on a conversation, or pretending that his legs don't work like they did in the orphanage, or that Cheese makes him itchy, or broccoli makes him sick... whatever - we always stop him and remind him that:
- He doesn't need to know the subject matter of every conversation
- His arthritis is in full remission and there is no sign of it in his body
- He eats cheese all of the time and has no allergies to it
- broccoli does not make him sick, even though he can make himself puke at will over anything if he wants to
We were just not sure what to make of all of this. Our hope has always been that by providing a consistent home environment for Michael, the little light in his mind would come on and he would decide that the attention getting games he played in Russia are not necessary (nor profitable) here in America. We took comfort in the social workers response to all of this - she was not surprise. While Michael does not have many of the the key behaviors of attachment disorder, the one's he does have are significant. Specifically, he seems to exhibit a lack of trust towards us in that he is always presenting a false impression of himself and what he is up to. He is a master at telling people what he thinks they want to hear while he has a definite - yet unrevealed agenda of his own. It kind of reminds me of President Obama.
"What is Michael's agenda", you ask? It is simply this. In Michael's own words, "I just wanted".
In Michael's world, yesterday was 1,000 years ago and tomorrow will never come. Only "now" exist and what he wants at the moment always takes precedent over lessons from yesterday and waiting for something yet to come. Knowing that he thinks this way, and dealing with it are two different things.
