- 8/20/2009 9:43:32 PMPositive and NegativeRecently it came to my attention that this blog may be too negative sounding and perhaps even have a negative effect on international adoption and in particular - adoption of children from Russia. Let me be very clear on the purpose of this blog and what my goals are.
We (my wife and I) had been considering adoption and/or foster care for a long time before we made the decision to actually do anything about it. It must have been at least 15 years ago that helping orphans first entered my mind. I had seen a news special on either 60 minutes or 20/20 about the awful conditions in some Romanian orphanages and the abuses that took place there. It was not so much of the direct abuse and neglect that came at the hands of the caregivers (if that is what they are to be called) that caught my attention. It was the after-effects of the care (or lack of it). Children who were barely fed and locked in cages like animals became like animals. Children learned to abuse one another while trying to survive and establish some kind of pecking order in very harsh conditions. As I watched the news video, it became clear that these orphanages were little more than factories that were producing damaged humans who would later be thrown away.
What becomes of these "damaged humans" when they leave the "care" of the orphanage? For that matter, to what extent does the word "damaged" actually cover? It is the answer to these types of questions that I am attempting to address in this blog. I am working the answers out in my mind with the hope that some other prospective adoptive parent can somehow benefit from what we have learned. I have a somewhat distinctive story telling style in my writing and I like to pull in other stories and create analogies. These help me to see clearer, understand what is going on, and put things into perspective. That is how I write. Consider it a parable if you will and try to follow along.
Today's Question: After reading the Adoption Project blog, should people consider adopting children, particularly "damaged" children?
Consider the following story:
Once upon a time, Captain Edward John Smith was commanding the Titanic and heading across the Atlantic Ocean. We all know the story: the ship hits an ice burg and sinks. 1500 people perish, including him. Now imagine for a moment that you are on board that ship on the fateful night. Perhaps you're thinking, "I know how this is going to end and I'm probably going to die". You begin to work out a plan in your mind to alter history and prevent the accident. You want to survive so you decide that you're going to go and "visit" with Captain Smith, explain the situation and somehow get him to slow down and alter his course.
You make your way up to the command deck and there you meet the captain. You introduce yourself and then immediately engage him in conversation. "You know Captain Smith, there's a lot of ice burgs out here and you've got the ship going kind of fast. It's very dark and if you don't slow down, you will not have enough time to react and turn or stop the ship when you encounter an ice burg. You will end up hitting one which will cause the ship to sink into icy water. Anyone who does not immediately drown will freeze to death in the water while waiting for help to arrive".
"I know that", says the captain.
In the story above, Captain Smith knew very well the potential consequences of his actions but he did them anyway. He was warned about going too fast in the icy waters of the North Atlantic and many people paid with their lives for his mistake. Here is my point: he knew the right course of action to take in order to prevent catastrophe, but he actively didn't choose that. He went to bed after his shift and "hoped" that things would work out positively.
Here comes the big question... wait for it... Have you really done anything to alter the events of the future? Either in the proposed account of the Titanic above or in the case of a child that is not your own.
During the process of our adoption of Michael, I had frequent discussions with certain people regarding the interpretation of James 1:27. The main question from this passage was always, are we to "visit" the orphans and widows or are we to "care" for them. Most bibles I have seen clearly use the word "visit" in that passage. However when taken in context in this passage and others like it, we are called to care for them. "Visiting" is something you do at Grandma's house for the afternoon or what you get busted for in school during a math lesson.
Could I properly "care" for Michael or some other child in his position by "visiting" him or sending him some kind of "care package" while he lived at the hands of some orphanage workers? No - I could not. If I am to take the Lord's command to "love my neighbor as myself" seriously, then I could not in good conscience leave him there to rot and die. In short, my wife and I were compelled by the Holy Spirit to take him into our home. This blog represents the account of a family bringing someone who is considered "expendable" or a "throw-away" into their home for the purpose of glorifying God and "undoing" the damange that was done to this child. We are attempting to reset and restore him spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
In the process of addressing Michael's situation, there must be an evaluation of his condition. This is a common theme in the Adoption Project blog. If I could say one thing that I failed to do or underestimated while entering into this journey, it was that I did not fully consider the depth of my role in the process as being one of a psychologist studying the behavior of a psychologically damanged person. I considered Michael's life to be a lump of unformed clay and that by applying consistent, steady, firm, guidance and structure he could overcome his setbacks. While this is somewhat true, it is also like centering a lump of clay on a wheel. Talking about the centering technique and performing it are two different things. For the person who does it, whether they do it correctly and get the clay centered or not, their hands will be dirty from the process.
I wish this were simply a "happy blog" where everything was magical. That is not realistic and it certainly does not reflect the facts of life in this world. Life is hard. For some people, it is close to unbearable. Go read the book of Job. Go to google video and watch Children of Leningradsky. That video will blow your mind.
Here is what I think - people who stick to the "visit the orphans" mentality don't want to get their hands dirty. It is easy for them to be critical.
