- 9/6/2009 8:49:50 PMDogs and DoughnutsWhat do Dogs and Doughnuts have in common? Well for starters, the desire for each can be a kind of proving ground to help expose some inconsistent behavior. I bet you didn't see that coming.
As I mentioned previously, our dog of 9+ years died. Yesterday we got a new dog. Today is Sunday. Sometime during church, I got an idea of stopping at the store bakery and picking up some doughnuts. Reading the news paper, drinking some fresh brewed coffee, playing with a new puppy, taking a nap on the couch - these are all great Sunday afternoon activities. Nothing goes better with them then eating a nice fresh doughnut.
I made up my mind and after church we headed over to the Piggly Wiggly and picked up a dozen. Since there are six of us in the house, quick math tells me that we will each get approximately two. Although Michael and Ellie are young, they will likely have to wait to eat their second doughnuts. Since Michael has rotten black, brown, green, and red teeth - he may not get a second doughnut. We'll have to see how things work out.
We come home and each have some doughnuts. I eat my two right away because my mom always told me that when I got my own house I could do whatever I wanted - which I am doing. Ellie has one. Michael has one. These are not small doughnuts. They are large custard filled chocolate covered long-johns. Very nummy, and very very sweet.
Sometime later in the afternoon, Ellie asks for her second doughnut. "Sure", I say. Michael sits very quietly and watches Ellie - studying her doughnut. He doesn't say a thing. I know Michael would like to have his second doughnut so I ask him, "Is there something you would like to ask me?".
"Can I have my second doughnut?", he asks. "Sure", I say.
As he goes into the kitchen, I asked him, "So you wanted another doughnut and you asked me straight out with no lies, tricks, or deceit. How did that work out for you?. "Very good", he responds.
Later in the afternoon, I am outside working on the porch roof. Michael and Ellie have been given the task of watching the dog so that he doesn't get into trouble. They watch him by playing with him and keeping him occupied. Later in the evening, Peggy comes in to get a drink of water and stops for a moment to pet and play with the dog.
Michael was not playing with the dog at that moment, but as soon as he saw Peggy playing with the dog, he wanted her to play with the dog in the way that HE wanted - with a ball. This is not what she wanted to do nor how she wanted to give attention to the dog. Michael started to shake the ball because it has a bell inside and makes a cute little jingle sound. Peggy firmly told Michael in clear and certain terms, "NO". "I'm playing with the dog now. I don't want to play with the ball."
Michael stood there quietly for a moment watching the Mom and the dog. Then he dropped the jingly ball on the ground at his feet and distracted the dog from playing with Peggy.
"Why did you do that?", asked Peggy. "Why did you drop the ball at your feet right in front of the dog right after I told you not to do that? I am playing with the dog. Not you."
His answer? "Because I wanted to play with the dog and I knew it would irritate you."
So here is the comparison I'm making:
- Michael wanted a doughnut but didn't ask me for one because he was certain I would say no. I don't know for sure but I believe he may have considered acquiring the doughnut at a later time through some trickery or other means. I provided a way for him to easily get a one without any deceitful tactics and it worked out well for him.
On the other hand
- Michael had been playing with the dog most of the day but wanted to all the more when he saw Mom playing with the dog. When he was told explicitly "NO" and to back off, he made a point of misbehaving and disobeying.
In both cases, he wanted something. In one case (the doughnuts), he didn't ask about what he wanted - but I offered. In the other case (the dog) he was explicitly told "NO" which then became the trigger point for incorrect behavior.
This type of scenario plays itself out repeatedly and in many different ways in our house. One thing that always comes out though is that Michael definitely doesn't like being told what to do. (read that as control). He doesn't like being told to change his clothes, comb his hair, wipe his butt, brush his teeth and especially "No".
