- 9/9/2009 11:55:47 PMDirty Clothes and Subtle DisobediencePut simply, Michael has poor hygiene. I don't believe that cleanliness is something that was stressed in the orphanage. When we visited the Cheboksary Children's home, it was a clean facility and for the most part the people there appeared clean. I don't recall anyone there with noticeably dirty clothing or skin. But then again, that was not something I was looking for when I was there.
One of the things we discovered immediately after arriving in Moscow was that the facility where we took our so-called "medical exam", did not have adequate rest room facilities. I could write a whole book on the things I observed at that place. Of course the adequacy of the facilities is nothing more than my opinion as compared with what is available at any public building here in the United States. Looking back at our trip now, I wish I would have taken a photo of the rest room.
The door to the room was locked and you had to ask someone to unlock it for you should you need to use it. The toilet had no seat and the sink had no soap. Used toilet paper was meant to be thrown in the open waste basket and not down the toilet as there was not enough vacuum, water, or flushing power to make it go down. Perhaps the real reason for not putting paper in the bowl was that there was not enough bacteria in the system to break down the paper once it was flushed. I don't know. All I can say is that the room stunk in the worst kind of way. It was almost as if the hospital/clinic had thought about putting in rest room plumbing after they had designed and built the facility.
For Michael, this would not have been a problem. He would simply do the normal and natural thing - don't wipe. The problem of having dirty hands is then avoided even though a different problem has been created... but no one can "see" that problem even though you might detect the smell. But then again, smells could come from anywhere. Couldn't they...? Furthermore, since cause and effect are unrelated scientific principles of the universe, having an itchy red butt is simply nothing more than a regularly occurring and common skin problem that everyone learns to live with. Don't they...?
But I digress. This story is not about butts or Russian bathrooms but about dirty clothes and associated mind games. While we were in Russia, I observed several people who clearly did not change their clothes or bathe on a regular basis. Perhaps I should say - regular enough for me. I can certainly understand the repeated wearing of some articles of clothing. Though there may be some articles that can be worn more than others - all must be changed eventually. For example, (in my opinion) socks and underwear should be changed daily. Sometimes if it is very cold (like the dead of winter in Wisconsin), you might choose to wear wool socks over cotton socks to keep your feet warm. The wool socks may not need to be changed every day depending on what you're doing but eventually, they will need to be changed.
As with many other things in Michael's life, the regular changing of his clothes is a tool he will sometimes use to "gain control" in his life. I don't fully understand his twisted reasoning in this but in his mind, doing the opposite of what he is told or what he knows to be right, correct, or expected - is one way that he convinces himself that he is still the master of his own domain. Sometimes his disobedience is blatant while other times it is more subtle. Here is an example of subtle disobedience:
Michael has horrible breath due to his rotten, multi-colored teeth. He knows this as does everyone else in the house. Grandma's dog also knows it and doesn't like it when Michael puts his face near his. Some people are "mouth breathers" while others breath through their nose. Michael is a "nose breather" - that is unless he has some kind of crazy thought in his head and he has decided that making you sick and angry might be an enjoyable activity for the moment. At that time, he will move in close and ask you what you're doing and then begin to breath on your face. He knows that you will not like it and have asked him repeatedly in the past to not do that. This is the calibur of games that Michael likes to play.
As of this morning, Michael has been wearing the same black socks, green shorts, and red t-shirt for about 5 days. He changes his underwear and washes them by hand every day because of previous butt wiping compliance issues of the past. Michael came down stairs this morning and Peggy asked him, "how many days have you been wearing those clothes?" Michael gave the standard answer, "I don't know". In reality he probably didn't know the exact number, but he was well aware that it had been a while since he put on clean clothes.
"I didn't say anything to you because I wanted to see if you would choose to change your clothes.", said Peggy. "Now go back up stairs and put on some clean clothes." Peggy did not give him any wiggle room on this and gave him a direct and very specific command. She did not ask him "why" he hasn't changed his clothes but made a point of telling him that she was aware of it and it should be corrected immediately.
Michael goes back upstairs and takes a long time in his room picking out clothing. He comes back down with a nearly exact set of clothing. Black socks, very similar green shorts, and a very similar red t-shirt. His clean clothing is so similar to his dirty clothing that if you were not paying attention, you would not have noticed they were different. The question to ask is, "why did he put on nearly identical clothing?"
Dad: "What are you doing?"
Michael: "Mom told me to change my clothes."
Dad: "Why did you pick out almost the exact same clothes?"
Michael: "I like red and green"
Dad: "Don't you like variety? Do you want me to only buy you black socks, green shorts, and red t-shirts?"
Michael: "No"
Dad: "Then why did you choose to change into black socks, green shorts, and a red t-shirt?"
Michael his this certain facial expression he makes when you've trapped him in a mind game. It is a sort of smirk/half smile where his cheeks get round and chubby. He then purses his lips in what I call the "kissy face". He moves his lips in and out in a semi-nervous kind of way. It is a dead give away that something crazy is going on in his mind. To me, this game has no point but to him - it is of great significance that he successfully pulls "a fast one". To get a trick or deception of some sort past mom and dad is like "a win". It doesn't matter if it is big or small.
Back to our question: "Why did you choose to change into black socks, green shorts, and a red t-shirt"?
Michael: silent, staring, smirking, kissy-facing.
Dad: Well?
Michael: I like it.
Dad: You like what?
Michael: I like red and green.
This went around and around a few times so I'll just cut to the chase. Michael ultimately admitted that he purposely chose to wear nearly identical clothing because he thought that would be a good way to irritate mom and cause some confusion about whether or not he actually changed his clothing. Michael definitely did not see what was coming next. Peggy sent him upstairs to put on his dirty clothes back on. At this point, he is to wear them indefinitely. Further more, he is also required to keep wearing the same underwear and not to comb his hair. I'm not sure how far to go with this and whether to have him avoid bathing and tooth brushing as well.
Our goal is this: we will either take his tool away, or turn it to our advantage. Michael has decided to become "the stinky kid" for reasons of his own. We are going to allow him to be "the stinky kid" for reasons of our own. When all is said and done, I will once again ask him - "How did that work out for you?"
Please Lord, let him learn something from this.
