- 11/5/2009 11:43:56 PMOral Hygiene GamesAs I have mentioned in previous posts, Michael has some of the worst teeth in the world. They are black, brown, and green. They used to also be red but those ones rotted and fell out. On an average day, his breath smells worse than a sewer. The funny thing about all of that is he likes to play mental games with brushing his teeth.
Starting with the first week in Russia where he became our son, we have stressed that good oral hygiene is very important - especially for him. Michael resisted. He frequently acted like a war was going on in his mouth as long as there was a brush and/or toothpaste present. I wish I could say that I was exaggerating on this but he literally acted like the flavor of the paste and the basic scrubbing action of brushing was like using a steel bristle brush on sun burned skin. While it is quite possible that he did have some kind of gum related tenderness and perhaps it was painful for him to brush, in the coming weeks as his gums turned from red to pink, he quickly got over it all and brushing became routine. That is when it turned into a psychological game.
Our first big policy change was to introduce a timer into the equation. We purchased a small digital kitchen timer for Michael so that he could time various aspects of his day. He used it when taking his daily math drills and now he would also use it when brushing his teeth. When it was time, he would set the timer for three minutes and then begin scrubbing. It seemed like a good plan to address his nature to quickly do a poor job.
For a while it seemed to work. One problem that came out of this was that he would sit there and watch the timer - waiting for three minutes to pass. Often during these times, he would stop brushing while he became enchanted by the timer. Our solution to that was that he was not allowed to "look" at the timer while brushing. The timer was a distraction and so he had to turn the other way, turn the timer around or place it face down while it was running. For a while that seemed to work too.
It was not long after this that he began to simply brush the same part of his mouth over and over. In some cases it was only one tooth or one side of his mouth. No "round and round circles small gums and all" kind of action. Just short back and forth strokes. There were also times when he would maneuver his brush all over his mouth but not actually brush anything in particular. He did this to compensate for us telling him to brush more than one spot. In his mind, he was complying with our rules and doing what was asked of him. He believed that he was putting in WAY more effort than he wanted and therefore nothing could possibly go wrong and no fungus could ever survive his massive oral cleansing effort.
Surprise surprise! More teeth became rotten as tooth decay spread. I took digital photos of the teeth in his mouth and showed them to him. As his rotten teeth fell out, we put them into a small zip lock bag for keeping and to remind him of what had been in his mouth. I had him imagine putting that tooth back into his mouth and sucking on it like it was candy. I would also make him smell the tooth in the bag - which I might add is enough to make you vomit. He "seemed" grossed out by all of this. I reminded him that these rotten teeth were once in his mouth and there are going to be more if he doesn't change his habit. On one occasion he asked me if the "tooth fairy" was going to give him a dollar for his black and green tooth. I was speechless.
We took the approach that he probably doesn't know how bad his teeth really are. Like many orphans, he struggles with cause and effect thinking. He has bad teeth and mom and dad are always on him about brushing but these are isolated issues. He has been to the dentist in America several times, has had cavities filled, and had prescription medicine for various ailments in his mouth - but again - these are all unrelated. If he doesn't take care of his teeth, all the treatment in the world is not going to help. I believe that one or more of the following is happening:
- He can't put two and two together and figure out that rotten teeth come from neglect
- He doesn't care
- The potential consequences are unlikely to actually happen
In one of his front upper teeth, he had a cavity which was cleaned, drilled and filled. The tooth resembles Swiss cheese and the cavity itself looks like a hole is being bored right through the front center of the tooth. You can't miss it even if you only get a casual glance at his smile. We got him a mirror to use so that he could see what he was doing while he brushed for three minutes. This too turned into a game.
On each instance, he would faithfully fetch his timer and mirror. I would almost say that he "clinged" to having these objects while brushing his teeth. He would squirt a vapor of tooth paste on his brush, turn his timer on and spin it around to face away from him, then sit there and stare at himself in the mirror - for three minutes. He always remembered to get the mirror and timer.
We have addressed the issue of using a minimal amount of toothpaste repeatedly and Michael seems convinced that only the bare minimum is required. He has mentioned on several occasions that if you mix a little toothpaste with your spit, that is more than enough to do a good job. I asked him, "how is that working out for you?"
I then would ask him if he would ever use one small squirt of hand soap to wash his entire body in the bathtub. He knows that he needs a bar of soap and good sized squirt of shampoo to wash his hair. "Why would you think you would only need such a small amount of toothpaste?", I would ask. This would always cause him to give me the blank - "deer in the headlights stare".
Even when I show him his own teeth - the ones in the bag and the few that remain in his mouth - he is unfazed. He will look at his own black teeth and say things like, "I see what you mean" and then he will do it again and use the exact same reasoning as to why he didn't use enough tooth paste. Logical reasoning and Michael do not go together. It's more than that however. He has demonstrated that while he has the ability to understand, he does not want to comply. This is nothing short of defiance and rebellion and he likes to use ignorance as a cover.
An interesting aspect about all this is that he always makes it very well known that he was now beginning the tooth brushing process. He was very obvious about getting his timer and mirror.
What do I mean when I say "obvious"? Let's say you were sitting in a chair reading a book and minding your own business. Michael would make a point of walking past you and announce, "I have to get my timer". Keep in mind that there was no previous conversation going on between you and him or him and anyone else, nor was he asked what he was doing or where he was going. This is information he freely offered up so that any interested parties were fully aware that he was now about to engage in his tooth brushing activity and therefore complying with previous commands.
"I can't possibly be disobeying because I just made a point of letting you know that I am complying - even though I am not going to actually do what I just announced I was going to do and since you didn't ask me about it and are not watching me, you will think that I am trying to take initiative to be good.. This is how good boys behave and since you now think I am doing this, you will think I am being good. Everything is now good". This kind of logic is very simple, yet incorrect and also very twisted.
For Michael, more effort is always put on the illusion of being good, rather than simply being good. He is the kind of person that would take a shortcut across town even if it meant leaving Wisconsin and going through California and back again, if he thought he could fool you somehow. The fact that he even tries leads me to think that he views us as stupid and gullible.
Since most of his twisted mental games require other people or objects to act upon, we have taken away the timer and the mirror. Additionally, he is also to brush his teeth out of sight of anyone else. It is very important to Michael to give the impression that he is a good boy, but he has no actual intent of complying regardless of the personal consequences.
What is his solution to this new requirement? You'll probably never guess, so I'll tell you. He goes into the bathroom with his brush and toothpaste vapors and pretends he is killing two birds with one stone. He wants us to believe that he is brushing his teeth and going to the bathroom at the same time. What does he actually do? He places his brush on the vanity, sits on the toilet and plays with boogers.
Ask me how I know this...
